You are an ass. I could tell just by looking at your body language when you walked through the door. You keep turning and looking at me as if I'm going to empathize with your situation. I will not. You're being an ass to my friend. You got a parking ticket that went to collections when you didn't pay it. That's not our fault. Park properly or pay in a timely manner, and your frustrations could have been avoided.
Dear Dude on the Bike,
Why must you ride in the lane I am driving my car in. We are going up a hill. I was going 40 mph until I got to you. You cannot go 40 mph up a hill, or even on a flat street. Wearing a gross lycra onesie doesn't mean you are keeping up with the traffic flow. Do you not notice the traffic backed up and people changing lanes to get around you? You're annoying. You're not a car and you're not in a bike lane. I would like you to move out of the flow of traffic, please.
Dear Dude on the Phone,
When I say "How may I direct your call?" all I want to know is how may I direct your call. I don't care that you missed your court date or that your bill is due and you aren't paid until next week. Can't you just say "I need to talk to the court, please" or "water department"? Do I need your story? No. Do I want to answer your questions about how to get a lawyer or marriage certificate? No. I just want this 15 minutes to go by as quickly and pain free as possible. I want to hit one button to transfer you away. Okay? Great. Thanks!
Dear TMI Woman,
You give everyone too much information that makes some people uncomfortable. Normal interactions do not require the details you share. I don't care that you were a single mother. I don't care that you got a bruise this weekend. I don't want to hear that you prefer to sleep naked. I don't want to hear that you stayed in a hotel with a squeaky bed and how you learned it was squeaky. I don't want to hear personal details of your life or your family's life. In general, when people call you for help, they just want their answers and to hang up. They don't call looking to make a new friend and hear that you had to go to the doctor for some mystery infection. Too much information is just that .... TOO MUCH information!
Dear Dude on the Phone,
When I say "How may I direct your call?" all I want to know is how may I direct your call. I don't care that you missed your court date or that your bill is due and you aren't paid until next week. Can't you just say "I need to talk to the court, please" or "water department"? Do I need your story? No. Do I want to answer your questions about how to get a lawyer or marriage certificate? No. I just want this 15 minutes to go by as quickly and pain free as possible. I want to hit one button to transfer you away. Okay? Great. Thanks!
Dear TMI Woman,
You give everyone too much information that makes some people uncomfortable. Normal interactions do not require the details you share. I don't care that you were a single mother. I don't care that you got a bruise this weekend. I don't want to hear that you prefer to sleep naked. I don't want to hear that you stayed in a hotel with a squeaky bed and how you learned it was squeaky. I don't want to hear personal details of your life or your family's life. In general, when people call you for help, they just want their answers and to hang up. They don't call looking to make a new friend and hear that you had to go to the doctor for some mystery infection. Too much information is just that .... TOO MUCH information!
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