Attack of the Holiday Sweater

For this I think less is more. Less talking, more looking!

Friday night I was invited to my first White Elephant party. I was so excited and planned, even though nobody else had this idea, to wear my new ugly sweater.... and to unload something used from my house that I've been wanting to get rid of for years!

 For this event I went with a red theme, obviously. I find it so in your face and horrendous, I might actually wear this "look" to work some day. I'd probably blend in with all of those horrible 20 year old embellished Christmas sweatshirts with mock turtlenecks!

My friends told me we were going to be playing some Minute to Win It games. I had never heard of it before, but entertained myself by practicing one for a while -- we never did play it, and it is a good thing. Those cards would NOT cooperate with  me the way I wanted them to!

And once all of the guests had arrived, naturally it was time for shots!

Arwyn, in the center with the black shirt, does my hair... it was her party!

I can tell you that this only leads to trouble! That's Tonia - it was also her party!

It was so good - and I'm glad I had it. It helped with what came next!

Let us pause the photos for a little talk about the gift exchange. A girl I used to babysit 1000 years ago was there, and the bag she grabbed had a partially emptied bottle of peppermint schnapps (YUM!!), some hot chocolate and a glass. Naturally since I never drink anymore, but had just had a shot and some rum, I stole the gift from her. Well, to my chagrin the next girl took the schnapps from me. So I had to grab a new one. I went for what was obviously a DVD. It had Mickey Mouse wrapping paper. Since I have a Hidden Mickey on my body I figured I should take that one. (Wait a minute, did they wrap this with that paper on purpose??)  Immediately jokes about kitties started flying from the two lesbian couples at the party. I just went with it all because I found it funny. And since I'm such a faghag/fruit fly, well this was just normal for me. And so I opened it. I barely saw the cover and was bright red and falling over in laughter. OMG. I really do think I was the best person to get this because they knew I'd be a good sport about it. But wow. Take a look at what I got!

I made this large so you could read the DVD label. And so you could see the new red hue to my face!

Um, yes, I won Lesbian Joy 4! I was laughing so hard. I think some of the younger girls were shocked and maybe embarrassed. Obviously I wasn't mortified - I mean I instantly posted this picture on facebook after all!  As a consolation prize I also got a rainbow colored light bulb. . . . um, Hello?? Who would want a rainbow light bulb more than the Little Fruit Fly in Rainbow Colored Socks???

Okay, so then it was time for the games....

We had to get a cookie from our foreheads to our mouths - without hands - in a minute or less. I did it!

The goal was to get the jingle bells out of the box in a minute by shaking around and making a boob out of yourself. OK, I admit, I love to work in "boob" at any chance. This is because this year I am a 12 year old boy. Don't even say "balls" near me if you don't want me to snicker.

I decided to think of such great classics like Baby Got Back and Back That Ass Up while working my hips like they've never been worked before.

I came in 2nd place with 12 seconds. 1st place (who technically did get two tries at the start, hmph) did it in 10 seconds.

Saturday was my family Christmas. It was So. Much. Fun. We talked about anything and everything. I brought Lesbian Joy 4 to show everyone (we did NOT watch it!!)... strange, my cousin and her girlfriend didn't want to steal my old lady porn. Huh. ;) We covered marathon running and bodily functions. We discussed the lack of love lives among three of us cousins - and how our parents are starting to give up on grandchildren. There was so much food. Mmmm, so much rum!  And there was karaoke. PLUS - the sweater was back, with its sweater twin!

Me and my Mommy! Nothing beats a skort, horrible socks, and sequins on the vest AND shirt!

It was a long, busy day for my darling Lady ... she was all partied out!