An All New Low.

I just can't take it anymore. I've been having a constant battle with my Meniere's for over a week now. I'm kind of at my breaking point. I mean I can't even imagine how I could feel at any more of a low than I do now.  Whoa! What's this? Not a normal, peppy, optimistic post from me? Yikes!

My skirt is fitting too tight today. I've written messages to myself in soap on the bathroom mirror to try to keep myself from eating since I haven't been able to  really do ANYTHING to help myself physically for the last week.

Today is long run day. I was going to do 8 miles. I ran around the block. It was .4 on my Garmin. I actually had to pause half way through because it was too hard. So I thought I'd come home, just lay down, hopefully it would pass. It still hasn't. I thought of maybe doing some Yoga Booty Ballet to at least get moving, but I can't even handle that. Laying down ... still dizzy. Sitting here writing this ... still dizzy. Enough already! I mean haven't I done my time? Isn't over a week long enough to deal with this at one stretch? I've never had this go on so long without a break. 

This weekend I was supposed to head over to Bend, Oregon to meet up with Biker Boy and his family. His parents came from Ohio, his brother and sister in law from California. I was going to be meeting them and enjoying the outdoors, and all that family vacations have to offer. Because I can't even drive, I obviously had to be the party-pooper that couldn't go. So embarrassing. I tried to describe to Biker Boy what my "normal" life has been like this past week.  I'll try to explain it here.....

Picture a corny SyFy movie, or a straight to video horror/thriller. It is set in a carnival in some creepy small town that nobody in their right mind would want to go to. It is one of those where it is dark, with flashing lights from the rides and games. Side-show freaks are everywhere. There is slow motion spinning, the sound gets warped and distorted. Faces are coming in and out and you just try to make sense of it all, but it is so crazy that you can't. You try to talk, but your mouth won't work. Your head tells you the things to say, but they just won't come out. Instead you are slurring, stuttering and confused. You try to walk through all of this loud, craziness, but you can't. Two steps and you tip to the side, looking for something to grab on to for support. So you sit down. You think sitting will make it all stop. If you just keep to yourself off to the side the spinning around you will stop, you'll be able to focus. And then ... you tip to the side and fall out of your chair. Or, if you're lucky, you have arms on your chair that you spend the entire time death gripping just to be sure you don't fall. 

Fun, right? Sure, maybe in a movie it isn't so bad. But every day where you life feels like that scene in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas when they try to, then go into Circus Circus ... it is so frustrating!!! I've been dealing with Meniere's since 2003 .... welcome to my first freak out!*

*I did freak out at the start when I thought I was suddenly deaf and had no idea how I was going to adjust to life without sound. Fortunately that passed, and only on rare occasions to I lose my hearing. This week was one of them. OVER IT!!!

Okay, so that's that. I'm probably going to continue to be MIA. I really hope this will just stop. I have no idea what you are all up to because I can't even just sit and read blogs. Now that I wrote this I'll be going to lay down again (I'm lame, I don't have Wi-Fi, so I have to sit up at the be old school computer). So everybody have a good week. And because I am still excited and I will NOT give up and I WILL run this race and do my very best .... THREE WEEKS!!!!!!   ..... to the Disneyland Half for those of you not on a daily countdown!

**Yeah, I tried and can't even watch this because it just made me worse. Sorry Johnny - we'll meet up again at a later time. Sorry for all the f-bombs in that video ... but you know, they actually almost fit with how I have felt this week! ;)