To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.
-Steve Prefontaine
Make it simple, but significant.
- Don Draper

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Chaos in a Sears Dressing Room

I have writer's block -- which I fully blame on the fact that I've been in the middle of another week long Meniere's attack and can hardly think straight, let alone walk straight -- and when I read Christie's post today it reminded me of a story from 9th grade. I will now share that story with you. *All of the events are true. No names or places have been changed to protect the guilty.

Sara and I, 3 years AFTER the incident.
This happened back in the dark ages .... perhaps 1992 or 1993? Unable to drive, and not feeling like going bowling again, my friend Sara and I got a ride to our local mall to hang out for a while. Back then our mall actually had stores in it. We had hit the Bon Marche (now Macy's), the Closet (now Maurice's) and J. Jacobs (now vanished). As per usual all the people working asked us if we were twins. No. We should have just lied and gone with it, but we are both terrible liars.

Running out of places to visit, we ended up at Sears. Woo!

Okay, back then she and I wore the shortest shorts. Short shorts, t-shirts for basketball teams, scrunched socks, Keds. When we found these horrendous shorts we knew we had to create an outfit around them. We grabbed random shirts worth mocking and took everything to the dressing room. Naturally we shared a room and quickly put on this disaster. If only cell phones existed and we could have taken pictures! I stood there in this small shirt with denim shorts. Not just any denim. White denim, with mint green vertical stripes of various thickness. And they were NOT short at all. Huge. They came down to my knees and were very poofy. It was like a bad rap video. I'd say we busted a gut laughing, but it was actually a different body part.

Sara and I in Louisville, 2007
I quickly changed back into my own outfit and ran out of the dressing room. I was hiding behind racks of clothes waiting for Sara to emerge. You know how you get the giggles in church and you HAVE to stay silent, but it is so hard? That is what was happening with me. Soon enough Sara emerged, tacky shorts in hand. She walked up to the first adult woman she saw and said, "Um, I just tried these on, and they are all wet." Yeah ... Sara laughed so hard she totally peed the shorts!!!  The woman responds, "I don't work here." The look on Sara's face was priceless! I couldn't even wait for her. In a fight or flight situation, I'm a flight risk. I took off and ran out of the store and exploded in laughter.

Sara came following me, completely mortified. We spent the rest of our mall time in the bathroom. Sara was killing time in the bathroom stall while I was the good best friend rinsing her urine soaked underwear in the sink and trying to dry it at the hand dryer.

Wouldn't you know it, a woman comes in to use the bathroom. For some reason I think I should stop what I'm doing and hide the underwear casually. The lady was in that stall FOREVER! I could have seriously hand-washed and dried a full load of laundry. Poor Sara is still just waiting. I'm sitting on the floor outside of the restroom waiting. For-freaking-EVER!

Eventually she left, I finished drying the undies, Sara put them on and we left.

To this day, umpteen years later (did I seriously just type umpteen? Am I a grandma now?), we STILL talk about this and tell everyone our story. And I still worry she'll pee herself AGAIN!


8 comments:

  1. Haha, this is too funny! I'm such a chicken, I would have run out of the dressing room, urine soaked shorts and all!

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  2. Now THAT was a good blog story! I'm happy now :D

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  3. That's is funny! I think I missed out on my childhood.... :)

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  4. That is such a funny story, love it :-)

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  5. hahaha, to funny...don't you look back and think why did we spend so much time in the bathroom, you should have just went commando? Ditch the panties and lets get outta here...

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  6. Saw this on Pinterest and it totally fits your Sears Dressing Room experience... or Sara's! LOL http://pinterest.com/pin/372557419/

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  7. Hahaha - that is a great story!! Love it!! (And I still call Macy's The Bon sometimes.)

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