To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.
-Steve Prefontaine
Make it simple, but significant.
- Don Draper

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

I'm Starting with the Girl in the Mirror

Yesterday I quoted so many people .... Simon & Garfunkel, Ferris Bueller, Michael Jackson and my Grandpa. Today I will requote Michael Jackson, and it isn't totally because I am completely obsessed with him right now. (Now? Ha, okay I have been since forever.)

I'm gonna make a change for once in my life... and hopefully because of this change I'll be able to look at the woman in the mirror and not hate what I see!

My mom will tell you that since I was 2 years old I have believed I was too fat. She is right. For too many years in the beginning of my life that is what I was told and came to believe. Mommy is STILL very mad about this sort of brainwashing I was subjected to. So now here I am, 33 years old, still hating how I look and having major food issues. I don't like it. I can hardly eat it in front of people. Have you been to a blogger dinner with me? Did you see how much food I took with me because I didn't eat it there? It shocks me that I ate at the Excalibur buffet not once, not twice but THREE times! I hate buffets. I hate potlucks. I do not wait in a line of people to get food. I won't eat what other people make if I don't know who made it, under what conditions and with what ingredients. It is really pretty annoying and stressful. I hate it! (OMG, hello whiner!)

My favorite meal. Seriously.  :(
I went to the doctor today. The very petite nurse weighed me and took my height. I was immediately ashamed. Then my new petite doctor came in. I was just embarrassed to be me. It is going to be hard, but there is a determined girl by the name of giraffy that is ready for it.... we're going to fix me! I'm gonna make a change and learn how to eat like a HEALTHY adult. I'm pretty much terrified of this new plan. I go to to the doctor in a month to follow up on blood work (to see what I am needing being a vegetarian and not getting all of my nutrients). In that month I want to really focus on making a positive step with what I'm eating. I WILL shed the pounds! She wasn't even concerned about my weight or BMI, but I am. I just want to be tiny. I want to be like Fiona Apple. I want to not get rejected at the door of a Vegas club because I don't fit the ideal type. I want to run faster. I want to be healthier. So here I go ... 

Already this week I have tried tofu (in a vegan pot pie) and had salad. I say salad, you would say I had plain Romaine lettuce. I had fruit with my dinner last night. I've been diligently running again now that my Meniere's symptoms have calmed down. AND ... exciting news!!!! After last night's run (which will be recapped after tonight's run as part of my new back-to-back training) I have officially run OVER 200 MILES more than I ran last year! I didn't hit the random goal I sort of made for myself, but then I also didn't expect to spend over a month of my life this year with vertigo or expect to hurt my IT band. 

Good changes are coming. I'm really going to miss those French fries. Seriously. 


13 comments:

  1. Changing what you eat is definitely difficult but if you stick with it, it gets easier as time goes on. I will say though...do NOT swear off french fries and disney pizza, especially if you love it so much! Going cold turkey will only make it worse. Everything in moderation :) If you've been doing well for so long, allow yourself a bit of french fries, etc. Good luck!

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  2. The key is finding things you like. Which means you're going to have to try a ton of stuff. But, it will be worth it.

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  3. Good for you.

    S won't eat at potlucks or buffets either.

    I guess a night out to see Titanic and visit the Sizzler salad bar won't be happening with you two.

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  4. I'm with Jenn... don't cut out those french fries completely, everything can have its place in moderation. Good for you though for wanting to be a healthier and happier you. :)

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  5. You'll miss the french fries for a bit and then new better favourites will take its place. Good luck hun, you CAN DO THIS xx

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  6. Good luck, you can do it! I lost 40 lbs in about 12 weeks last year by watching what I ate. I found that Fatsecret was great for tracking my daily food intake. :-)

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  7. Yum, I LOVE tofu. If you need any tofu ideas --- let me know. I love to use it as "meat replacement" in ... just about everything.

    Making changes to your eating is hard at first but it does get easier over time.

    I completely agree with everyone that said "everything in moderation".

    Besides, if you have a french fry craving then you could buy a bag of potatoes, cut them into wedges, spray them with some non-stick cooking spray or olive oil mister and bake them at 450 for 20-30 minutes :)

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  8. I used to miss fries and pizza.
    not anymore
    it will pass
    I made a 180 change in my nutrition..at first it is hard but it does get easier. The hardest part is social situations...parties and going out, that requires discipline. I bring my own food at parties.
    you can do this.

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  9. Yay for moving yourself into another healthful lifestyle challenge. Good luck!

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  10. Jeez, so much here. Where to begin? Body image in the culture of running is a losing proposition. No one has it.

    1. Who are you? Figure it out for yourself, but this is what I saw one afternoon): Healthy, energetic (vibrant), go-getter.

    2. Eat food for taste and memories. Salads for one can have so many different flavors - even "green" salads. Alternate between spinachs, chards, "spring" mixes. Add diced apples and grapes in the fall. Use chopped oranges and mandarins in the winter. And other fruit as well. I have learned to finely grate a little ginger on top for a killer kick and flavor, and using some cilantro leaves is another neat trick. Sprinkle with lemon juice and oil/vinegar. Chopped walnuts, almonds, pecans on top. Olives, avocados too. Shredded carrots. Grate cheeses - there are so many different cheeses to explore. I can be due to go grocery shopping and as long as I have some greens in the fridge I am always certain to have a killer green salad with plenty of calories.

    3. I've been studying Humanist Psychology lately. That is the theory that Maslow fathered about the 'needs pyramid' with the need of self-actualization on top, remember? One of the ways he describes a "self-actualized" person is a person who knows that "eating is more fun at a well-set table with well-cooked food even though it takes more control to prepare the table and food." (Remember that is NOT the goal of self-actualization, but an example of what it would look like.) Now there is something to dwell.

    Not sure where I am going here, but I'll finish with one more thought:

    4. This is what I have found on my seven year running project. Putting high value in the thrill of running, high value in doing stuff all the time, anything, value in enjoying everything about life - the walk to the office, shopping for and creating fine meals, an evening yoga session - is what makes it worth it. Everything else is frosting on the cake. Everything else. From faster personal bests to twenty pounds lighter (pretty slow process over 7 years!!). I guess I have found that assigning high value to the means of the project has been a lot more rewarding than any end - especially considering the only real end we have to look forward to is death. :)

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  11. I saw the MJ show in Vegas and I've been singing his songs non-stop!

    Good for you! I agree with the keeping things in moderation. Otherwise it is way too hard!

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  12. If I could eat pizza every day, I would. I do eat it, but I balance out the rest of my meals with "healthier options" glad you're feeling better, and YAY for the extra miles.

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