To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.
-Steve Prefontaine
Make it simple, but significant.
- Don Draper

Monday, September 28, 2015

10 Weeks: Too Much Reality


July 26, 2015  I am 10 weeks pregnant, feeling like a beached whale, and getting increasingly nervous the closer I get to the end of the first trimester. The week was pretty blah and my new "normal". Hardly able to eat anything, throwing up in the mornings, extreme fatigue, hating every smell, yada yada yada. But something new happened. I fully admit it is TMI, but I know there are other people like me that search out information from people like them, and the info you google isn't always pretty. 

Friday I woke up to find myself bleeding. I was stunned and confused. I left the bathroom and couldn't even tell my husband what was happening without starting to cry. It was the worst feeling. Was this normal? Do I need to worry? Was I losing my smaller of the twins? Is everything okay?  As it stands, I still have NO idea!!!  After taking me to work in the morning Man Friend did me the biggest favor. I have him set up to be able to discuss my medical issues at the OBGYN, so he popped in to make sure they have my OHSU records and talk about my bleeding. He called me right away to tell me not to worry. They said this is completely normal in the first trimester and can be from a number of things and does not mean miscarriage. The nurse said if I experience cramps with the bleeding, then I DO need to call and come in, but light spotting without cramps is completely normal. If it continued for a while they said to call, but they expected it would stop by the afternoon. And they were right. I haven't had anything at all since Friday morning (it is now Sunday afternoon), and I go to the doctor anyway first thing tomorrow morning. I don't really know what tomorrow's appointment is for but I hope I can leave it feeling more confident and with some peace of mind. Really, I just want to know how they are doing. Is it still a "they" situation? Do I now just have a singleton?? I have NO idea!!!!

So while dealing with that on my mind at work (and constantly going to the bathroom just to check on things) I had to overhear some pregnancy mocking. A woman that comes in probably once a week had just left, very visibly pregnant. I overheard coworkers saying "I wasn't sure if she was pregnant or just getting fat!" When you are trying hard to hide a baby bump and worrying about what's going on and speculating that gossip will be happening about you, hearing those jokes kind of hurt. It sucks to be at this early stage where my tummy IS getting bigger, but to outsiders it isn't a baby belly, it's probably just some girl being lazy and getting fat. As a woman these days, we know everybody is always judging our bodies and some are blatantly laughing at pregnancy body changes in fellow women. It's just a sad state of affairs really. We are hurtful for no decent reason! Overhearing their laughter makes me even more nervous about going public with my pregnancy and all the rumors and gossip that is sure to occur -- hence why I have such an open, honest blog about my ups and downs. 

And that's where things are now. Me feeling chubby.  My mom noticing my boobs getting bigger - my bras noticing it too. My formerly really comfy skirts now feeling too tight on the waist.  Missing the days when I could feel hungry and just eat and go about my business and not struggle to even eat a single bite and hope it stays down. Anxious to have our house be just the two of us again so we can openly talk about baby things inside our own home and not have to hide what is really happening in our lives!!

JULY 2015
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6 week ultrasound
TWINS!!
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Estrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M E
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7 week ultrasound8 weeks pregnant
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Estrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M E
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1st throwing up!1St OBGYN visit9 weeks pregnant
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Estrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M E
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**bleeding**10 weeks pregnant
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Estrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M E
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OBYGYN
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Estrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M E



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