To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.
-Steve Prefontaine
Make it simple, but significant.
- Don Draper

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Waiting Sucks

February 20, 2015  Those of you that haven't tried over and over to make a baby might not be familiar with the agony of the Two Week Wait. You ovulate and wait 2 weeks to either get your period or not. And if you Don't get it then you don't end up writing about In Vitro Fertilization to yourself all the time, instead you probably get excited and start pinning all things baby and count down to the due date. Well I'm in a different version of the two week wait .... as all these posts are, TMI is happening .... I've ovulated. Now I am antsy to get my period. That starts the next phase and I am so ready to get it started!

Yesterday I realized I had to ease some anxiety and ask my boss for a quick meeting to discuss what's going on. I was so relieved! He was actually excited and wishing me well. Such a change from the old boss that probably would have just wanted to fire me for even daring to discuss upcoming days that I will probably missing some work here and there. Given the fact that my grandpa is in the hospital and the only thing I'm thinking about, it was so refreshing to have a discussion about it and get encouraging feedback from things he's witnessed with his friends. Okay, how crazy to hear your male boss say the word "ovulate" to you, right?!? But that actually made me relax even more. Phew! And frankly it was kind of exciting to talk to someone else about it since I am staying hush hush.

As of this moment, the roster of people that know are myself, Man Friend, mom, step-dad, best friend, brother and sister in law and now my boss.  Really that's pretty small. BFF obviously has to know because he helps distract me and keep me sane and entertained. The in-laws are so great and let us stay with them for my appointments, so of course they know. Ugh, it is so hard to keep such exciting things in! I'm dying to tell Grandpa!

Today I was on forums looking up other women going through IVF and their experiences with sharing what they are doing. Some worried about the perception others would have about it. Would they be judged for having fertility issues? Embarrassed by reactions? Fortunately this never even came to my mind. Like some women, I only hesitate because of the gossip aspect. But partially I figure I will be open and share my experiences so I can beat the gossips to the punch and say the reality versus their speculation. And maybe somebody will be like me, googling for advice or comparison to make sure they aren't crazy for having crazy emotions so early on. 

Also today, while thinking of this stuff, I heard a baby laughing at work. Old me pretty much couldn't stand anything related to children. Don't get me wrong, if your kid acts like a little asshole I will fight rolling my eyes or leaving.... but that's more about bad parenting versus child behavior. Anyway, I didn't hate the baby giggles. This of course turned to me wondering if this IVF round will work or will I again be the woman that can't create life? And then I realized this .... I've never changed a diaper!!! Fifteen days into IVF and I just now realize I have no idea how to care for a miniature human?? Oh my! Good luck, Me!

On Wednesday my grandpa was knocked over by his truck and it ran over him. My day was a blur and spent in the ER. To say it was stressful is the biggest understatement ever. In the ER my uncle shared an ultrasound of his future granddaughter. Holding back tears was not easy, and a few slipped out. I'm excited for my cousin, but can't help but wonder when it will be my turn. Add seeing my poor, sweet Grandpa on a bed with machines - well it was a lot. I held it together until around 8:30 at home. It was then I learned about the passing of Jerome Kersey. I couldn't even tell Man Friend. I had to show it to him on my phone. Tears poured. I ran to my room, grabbed Miss Piggy and my blanket and sobbed about everything. It felt good to get it all out .... and just think, this is BEFORE the fertility drugs!  Eek!

IVF Officially Begins!
Consultation &
Blood work
Shopping to hide First ultra sound
a bumpGenetic consult
Learning shots!
Grandpa in the ERI told my boss!
RIP Jerome Kersey

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