To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.
-Steve Prefontaine
Make it simple, but significant.
- Don Draper

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Eugene 5K - The Other Side of the Race

May 9, 2015  With In Vitro Fertilization I find there are usually two versions to what is going on in my life. On the outside I am just me and dealing with Meniere's Disease. Obviously on the inside, yes, I am dealing with Meniere's Disease, but also a ton of IVF side effects that are really flipping things upside down.

Yesterday was mentally a hard day. I went to the expo for Eugene Marathon weekend. Months ago before IVF was even a thought I had happily registered for my 4th round of the half marathon, excited about what kind of results I could get this year. Going in, getting my bib and then having to turn around to go exchange it for a 5K bib was humiliating. I'm a long-distance runner I feel. I love 13.1 miles. A 5K just felt like giving up. BUT there are more half marathons. This time I had to be smart and follow the order of OHSU and stick to light jogging and a brisk walk. So dropping to the 5K felt like the smart decision as much as I hated to do it. The expo was weird itself in that I saw cute shirts I wanted and new running skirts. But when you are deliberately trying to grow a human being in your body is buying new "normal sized" clothes really the smartest thing to do?

It was exciting to go to bed last night and set my alarm for race day. I pretty much always have standard things in my alarm list, one of them being a race day wake up. You can see on that photo that it was 9:30 when I went to sleep. Visions of a good night's sleep filled my head. They were only optimistic visions. These stinkin' hot flashes and night sweats from the Lupron are getting worse every night. I've been going through two shirts a night this week. Last night I went to sleep in a tech shirt figuring I would of course be sweaty, so why not wear tech? Ugh, at some point I woke up so sweaty that my shirt was actually dripping. I gave up, ripped off my shirt, used a towel to dry my body and just got back in. I constantly was waking up, dripping in sweat. Yeah, must change those bed sheets ASAP!!  In the morning I was so happy to get up and shower and feel clean again!

Obviously my heart wasn't into this race, seeing as I felt like it was the easy way out. I almost fell asleep on the way to Hayward Field. If you've ever seen me on race day or read a race report, you know that I am always a bundle of nerves and anxious and wanting to vomit.  Not today. We stopped to get gas. I didn't even get out of the car, and had Man Friend go inside to get me some water and cookies. Yes, I "fueled" for this mini race with cookies!!

We got to the race area with plenty of time to spare. I pretty much did people watching and convinced myself it is okay to do the 5K instead of the Half. At least I was participating and being as active as allowed. Part of the people watching was seeing the 1K kids races happening. When you've seen way too many Happy Mother's Day posts on facebook (wtf, Mother's Day is tomorrow, NOT today!!!) and then you're watching all these parents running with their little kids around and everybody is oohing and aahing and cheering ---- and you're going through fertility treatment, loaded up on drugs and wondering if it will ever work and if you'll be able to be a part of the kids races? Yeah, thank goodness for sunglasses so nobody could see the weird girl on the verge of tears.

My mind was so not into the race by the time I was lined up to start that when the gun went off I was shocked! I spent the entirety of the race just taking in the views, enjoying that I can still participating in my favorite hobby, even if it is on a different level for a little while. I thought of how soon I won't be allowed to run AT ALL for a while, so I just smiled for all 3.1 miles and loved each step. I never let myself run hard until I hit the track. I was stunned to see 34 minutes on the clock (a time that would normally horrify me). I knew my time was a bit faster than what it said since it took a while to get to the start line after the clock started -- but honestly I expected it to be much slower considering my 2 month absence, deliberately forcing myself to run slower than I wanted and walking. So really, in the end I crossed that finish line feeling proud of myself. I battled my own mind and for a short race was able to ignore Lupron and hot flashes and all that jazz!
MAY 2015
Begin Lupron injectionsLupron
Last birth control pill
Run Track Town 5K
LupronLupronLupronLupronLupronUltrasound/blood workBegin Estrace pills
Estrace: M
Estrace: MEstrace: M Estrace: M Estrace: M Estrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M E
LupronLupronLupronLupronLupronUltrasoundProgesterone injections
Estrace: M EEstrace: M N EEstrace: M N EEstrace: M N EEstrace: M N EEstrace: M EEstrace: M E
Progesterone ProgesteroneM: Morning N: Noon E: Evening
Estrace: M EEstrace: M E

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