To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.
-Steve Prefontaine
Make it simple, but significant.
- Don Draper

Thursday, September 17, 2015

The Two-Week Wait

Every woman deliberately working to get pregnant in this era is probably familiar with the Two-Week Wait (TWW in internet lingo)! I've had many TWWs in my last couple of years. Agony. Lots of googling. Reading message boards. Staring at the calendar. Waiting. Analyzing. Crossing fingers. This TWW I am expecting, is going to be unlike any of the others! To keep it concise, I've decided to just note anything I experience each day all in this one simple post. I say this now --  who knows, it might end up a book of its own! 

June 5, 2015 This is the day of the transfer. Not being able to do anything for myself sucks!! Man Friend was great and helped me get set up in my bed with Netflix on my laptop, water easily accessible, my phone handy. Being told you can't move your pelvis or lift up on your own using your abs, well you don't even realize how much you use your body until you are told not to!

June 6, 2015 I feel incompetent and hate not being able to do anything. They said I could resume normal activity but I have to keep it light. No housework, minimal use on stairs, no lifting, etc... So MF is being awesome and fixed me breakfast and is basically giving himself the day off to enjoy the air conditioning and take care of me. Really, I think he just wants the A/C!


June 7, 2015 I woke up with cramps. I wasn't even concerned. My non-stop Googling of all things has led me to learn that cramps after an embryo transfer is very common and nothing to worry about. If anything, maybe it's a good sign?!? After breakfast I relaxed on a couch and began to feel nauseous. What the hell was that awful smell?? Hmm, apparently I now can't stand the smell of cardboard. Man Friend quickly relocated that, but once I moved later in the day he had to again move that box away from me. (It sounds all hoarder like -- I just picked up family video film reels and slides at Costco, and they are still boxed up.) While grocery shopping I learned I hate the smell of tortillas and bread. So why I had a quesadilla at home is beyond me. That didn't go over well at all. I've pretty much been feel nauseated all day.  Also I feel like a total jerk. My favorite guy is graduating high school, and I'm not watching it. Fortunately he understands why I am home laying down, but still. And I skipped a baby shower. Physically I am not up to it, but then there is the other aspect of it. While looking at a list of ways to survive the Two-Week Wait I came across the following, which I think really sums up how I have felt through this entire IVF process. I feel myself getting a lot quieter and trying to keep very much to myself. Survival strategy!


June 8, 2015 Today I was literally hit in the head and shoulder by a bird. She swooped down and smacked me. To add insult to injury she tried to hit me again 3 more times before I was out of her area. Her feathers ruffled my hair and it was either a beak or foot that grazed over my right ear. Everyone at work suspects there must be a nest near by and she is protecting her eggs. Hello lady bird, I'm busy trying to protect my own, too! World, when I get positive news that I'm pregnant, and even before then, I will NOT go hitting people in the head.... unless they really deserve it of course. 

June 9, 2015 So incredibly tired. I napped today for what I thought would be a usual 15 minute catnap. An hour later I woke up and struggled to not go back to sleep for more nap time. And will I ever stop having to potty? According to a day by day timeline I found, my babies/baby should be busy implanting today and burying deeper into my uterus. I'm trying so hard to have a nice, comfy home for them. I hope they are cooperating and making a nice spot for the next months! Tonight's progesterone in oil shot was so painful. Man Friend thinks maybe he got too close to a bruise and that's what made it hard for the needle to go in. I almost couldn't even lift or bend my leg after, so it was straight to my bed with Netflix and trying to massage and stretch my muscles. Oh, also I had to refill my estradiol prescription. I can't rave enough about how great my interactions with the specialty pharmacy has been. I did the number prompt request, and maybe 15 minutes later, if that, the pharmacy called me back to verify my request, find out how many pills I want, and when I wanted them delivered by. You do NOT get that type of service anywhere these days it feels!

June 10, 2015 At 4:45am I was awake and sweating like a pig. I debated getting up for the day but managed to get myself back to sleep for another hour. My right butt cheek is feeling much better, but still tender and slightly stiff. Today I am, what they use in internet lingo, "5dp5dt" - 5 days past 5 day transfer. My daily guide says that my little embryos should be finished implanting and has placenta and fetal cells. Wow, that sounds huge and so official. Crossing my fingers and praying that at least one of my little embryos IS doing that! It's almost nap time again, but today I could have gone for it much earlier - like while still at work! The shot tonight wasn't bad, especially compared to last night's pain! What is painful, however, is under my shirt. Holy cow. I took off my bra to get in my pajamas and holy canoli. It's like they each weigh 15 pounds. The sides of my boobs felt like they were being pulled like crazy. And everything is just tender. So cramps, non-stop peeing, super tired and sore, heavy tatas. Sums up my day!

June 11, 2015 Last night's sleep was horrible. Complete insomnia. I dozed off briefly around midnight only to wake up dripping in sweat in apparently another hot flash. Worst night of sleep since I started the Lupron shots in May! The day has been every emotional thing - happy, crying, anger, annoyance, quiet, laughter, anticipation, sadness, optimistic, pessimistic, hopeful. You name it, it's happened. My uterus is doing a number on me with all sorts of strange feelings I haven't had before. Work was going okay, ignoring all the emotions, until around 10:45 or so. By noon I was certain I was going to barf. I have crackers at my desk but even those didn't sound appealing to help my tummy. Man Friend is working his crazy schedule this week and my BFF is on a plane for vacation .... so the remainder of my 2WW it looks like it's just me! Ugh. For those following along, today is 6dp5dt, and my chart tells me that placenta cells are beginning to secrete HCG into my blood. Hopefully that's happening!

June 12, 2015 It's the last work day before I get my blood test. I was incredibly busy so that was good, made time pass. I'm pretty much over talking to anybody at all that isn't "in the know", plus I just don't want to deal with anybody's shit when I have my own real life issues happening. Today at 10:45 like clockwork I was sick to my stomach. Before that I was smelling every food in the world and wanted it. Even the burgers cooking at my cousin's restaurant! I'm a vegetarian!! And every time I stand up I am very aware of my uterus. It feels heavy and strange. And the bathroom trips are still continual.  

June 13, 2015 Note to women going through fertility treatment.... When you are almost at the end of your wait and feeling all sorts of strange things--- don't watch Father of the Bride 2. Currently mother and daughter are giving birth and its creating all the emotions. But also making me want my own Martin Short to come to my aid during baby time! He's so dang cute! That being said, I love being an only child and my mom better not get knocked up!!  Waking up this morning I of course had to potty, which naturally I did in the middle of the night. This is becoming regular and is something I never ever did prior to a week ago. But even after going I was in bed and it felt like heavy pressure on my uterus, like my bladder was full even though I know it wasn't. So that was odd. My lower back has been having funky moments as well. Today I plan on visiting my mom and watching the dogs play so I can get out of the house and maybe stretch out the back and feel normal. Alright, I did go to mom's house - and ended up completely tired with some nausea. Extra heavy feeling in my uterus again. I swear if I'm not pregnant then I can't even explain this stuff. I am aware that I am still on lots of drugs (with matching bruises on each butt cheek!), but this feels beyond drugs. But who knows. Just waiting!!! 

June 14, 2015 Forget about any insomnia I mentioned before, last night's was worse. Between a dog rummaging around outside, convincing me there were prowlers from a horror movie out there, and then the freaking spider that walked on my face ... there was NO sleep! I was wide awake before 6am and laying there thinking. My day by day list says today I should have enough HCG in my system to immediately show up on a pregnancy test. However, I'm not supposed to take one because of the possibility of a false positive/negative. I decided to just say screw it and POAS (pee on a stick). Even if it said yes, that would give me some hope to get through this last bit, versus some rude in your face negative. This is my last home pregnancy test, #6 of the 6 we've had during our whole process of trying to conceive. I figured it's now or never... so I did it. And holy canoli. I hadn't even finished washing my hands when I saw the lineSSSS appear. The second line is now just as dark as the first. This is the first time in my life I've ever seen something so cool! I'm fully aware that it may be a false positive, but this does make me feel better going into tomorrow morning's test since I swear I completely FEEL pregnant, not that I know first hand what that feels like - but I know I feel unlike I ever have before.

June 15, 2015 And here it is. THE day I've been counting down to. Blood test day! I feel crazy calm about it actually. I was the very first person at the lab today, and the entire time there fought nausea. Yay. The draw was simple, and I am so glad I didn't get my hopes up about getting an official answer today. He said they send the blood up north to be tested so there might be an answer by 8pm tonight, but probably days or tomorrow if I'm lucky. That is NOT the answer I got when I called Friday asking if I could have this done at this particular place. OHSU was wanting the results before 1pm today - and apparently this little town can't provide that. And THIS is why I travel 3 hours for every single appointment! But I'm fine. My body feels like I am pregnant, so I'm just going to use that to stay calm and wait however long it takes to officially hear. If I am NOT? Yes, I will be disappointed, but I also know most people have to do more than one try to get it to work, so I am being realistic.



So that's my big wait! Hopefully the next post is the official answer of yay  or nay!


JUNE 2015
SundayMondayTuesdayWednesdayThursdayFridaySaturday
123456
Embryo transfer!!!!!
ProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesterone
Estrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M E
78910111213
Progesterone ProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesterone
Estrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M E
14151617181920
Blood Test
Progesterone Progesterone
Estrace: M EEstrace: M E
21222324252627
282930

4 comments:

  1. Just wanted to say that I am loving following along on this journey with you. I love reading the factual day to day realities of this process, and I find myself so excited for you! :)

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    Replies
    1. Well thank you! It was such a roller coaster - and next week's posts will only continue the up and down!

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  2. OMG! Hoping that your at home test was NOT a false positive!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm updating NOW -- you'll find out if it's false positive or not!!

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