To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.
-Steve Prefontaine
Make it simple, but significant.
- Don Draper

Sunday, October 18, 2015

22 Weeks: Enough With The Anxiety!

I've decided to break this week into 3 parts. The good, the bad and the ugly. Fortunately most of it is good!

The Good: 

The nursery actually looks like a nursery now! It's nowhere near complete and the photos here are totally a rough draft. Mostly just her things sitting out so they can go in or on the toy box of mine I'm sharing with her. So when you see these save your advice about what to do. Rough draft! The crib is filled with toys until the toy box is available. 

Our little girl is loving music! At night I've been listening to music, like Savage Garden, and putting it down on my tummy. She seems to move a lot, and not in a "knock it off or I'm going to kick you hard" way. In general she's got a rhythm going and when she is awake I talk, sing and read to her. 

I went on a really nice 3 mile walk with my mom and dog brother. It felt great to get outside and the weather was absolutely beautiful!

I've made progress on my wants for when in in labor. This will continue below. 

The Bad:

Nothing tastes good to drink anymore, except for my milk in the morning. I'm getting so sick of water. 

My Menieres Disease was pretty hard on me at the start of the week. It lessened but was replaced by the worst headache that wouldn't stop. It was like 3 days of feeling a migraine was coming. I even missed work a day because of it, which for me is really unheard of. 

That great walk I mentioned, well it had negative aspects. Not horrible but just a fact I have to accept. My sports bra that day used to be my biggest and almost too big. Yeah I barely fit in it now. These boobs are about to overflow from it. And my running skirts fit, but I have to fold the top over and wear it under my tummy now. At least my running shoes still fit great!

And now the anxiety. I had a great convo with my friend about diapers and birth plans and what is available. This led to me watching a documentary that was essentially about midwifery and natural births versus hospital births. Mid documentary, as I was feeling my anxiety level skyrocketing, I got a call from my OBGYN. The specialty clinic wanted my regular doctor to do a 32 week ultrasound to check the baby's size. What?? Why?? Is something wrong that they didn't tell me?? Is she too big? Too small?? Yes I freaked out. And don't google this because of course all these know it all women have to tell horror stories. In the end I'm totally fine with it now, it was just the gut reaction after all that I was watching at the moment.

So I'm just kind of terrified of labor and on edge about it. There is so much to think about. But I can say that I've seen way too many completely naked women giving birth in water. This didn't ease my mind at all. I've come to my own decisions now about what way I want to go, but to avoid some of what you read in the "Ugly", I'm keeping my decisions private between my husband and I. 

The Ugly:

Perhaps everyone is now used to the fact that I'm pregnant. It's not a new novelty anymore. So maybe some have stopped minding what they say or decided politeness isn't important anymore. I am NOT a fan a unsolicited advice, which I include in that to be stories and opinions. And what I notice is every one of them ends in ...."for 18 years..." You know, if you hated having kids so much I don't really care, keep your misery to yourself. This is MY pregnancy and I am excited about it. I'll just politely look and smirk when I hear these unwanted stories. But seriously don't even waste your breath because I really do not care.

I'm also getting talked to like I'm an idiot. Common sense things people are telling me like I couldn't possibly comprehend these things on my own. Sure I sometimes have pregnancy brain, but stop insulting my intelligence by telling me things that again make me suppress a "no shit" response. 

And also I was called "Fat Girl" loudly in a store. 
So yeah, there was that. 

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