To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.
-Steve Prefontaine
Make it simple, but significant.
- Don Draper

Thursday, November 26, 2015

29 Things Only A Pregnant Woman Would Understand

A fellow preggo friend pinned this the other day and I had no choice but to click and check it out. Oh so true, I thought, while reading over it. I even had to read some of them aloud to Man Friend... plus ask some questions of the nature of "wtf??".... so here it is, 29 Things Only A Pregnant Woman Would Understand... with my commentary added in, of course!

1. What it feels like to be completely terrified and excited at the same time.
Absofreakinglutely. Not even terrified to have a baby to take care of and be responsible. Terrified of that pushing to get the little thing out of me!

2. Morning sickness that lasts. All. Damn. Day.

All. Damn. Day. All Damn. Night. It was a happy day when that finally passed ... for the most part.

3. That panty liners aren't just for periods. 
You'll always find one in my purse ... you just never know!

4. That sometimes you get diaper rash even when you don't wear diapers.
Okay, this one doesn't apply to me ... at least not yet! Let's hope it stays that way!

5. Mucus plugs. 'Nuff said.
I know there is one there. I haven't been visited by it yet. Thank goodness!

6. What Dolly Parton must feel like.
Oh hell yes. I've always been a happy, small chested person. I could buy a cheap sports bra and have it fit and work with no problem. Now? Always in the weight. And do they really weight 20 pounds each? Because I'm pretty sure that number is not an exaggeration.

7. Cankles that engulf your entire leg.
I've avoided this so far... thanks to compression sleeves when I traveled and always propping up my feet with my recliner. Phew! Less than 3 months to go - we will see if I can keep them away!

8. How to waddle like a penguin.
I don't reallllly waddle, but when my hips hurt and my back hurts and I get tired, I feel this body wanting to. NO!! No, I say! I will fight off the waddle as long as I can.

9. The awesomeness that is the ability to grow a freakin' human being.
I am baffled and in awe of how all this works. I know people that hate pregnancy and think it's gross and like an alien inside of you. Heck I don't even exist to some people anymore presumably because I am a freak of nature that dared to reproduce (because their mom must have waved a wand to create them) .... but I totally don't even care. This is totally fascinating to me. And awesome!

10. Willing the worst pain of your life to come. Soon.
Right?!?!?! I countdown to February 20th, yet like I said, I am terrified of pushing her out!

11. How you can be hot when there is ice dripping from the air conditioner.
Poor Man Friend .... how many times has he been bundled up under covers frozen and I'm in next to nothing with fans on and opening doors to let cool air inside??

12. What it is like to have to pee every 15 minutes. All. Night. Long.
I don't even need to really open my eyes anymore at this point. I know my path by feel and number of steps to take to avoid the dog bed!

13. Crying because the fast food worker got your order wrong.
Hasn't happened exactly this way .... more like huge mental breakdown (rightfully so!!) when all of the restaurants in Disneyland were closed 2 hours before the park closed .... except of course for the place that served only fries and meat. Vegetarians that are tired, hungry and pregnant do not find pleasure in this.

14. The urge to punch complete strangers in the neck when they comment on how big you are.
Complete strangers are much more polite than people you know. And I feel I have had to sit on my hands to avoid said urge to punch because of rude comments.

15. The need to organize. ALL THE THINGS.
I find myself down in her room staring. Looking. Trying to find anything I can organize.  Again.

16. The first time you feel the life growing inside of you move.
I remember it perfectly. And the second. And the third. So precious and surreal. It is my favorite thing in the whole wide world right now. And now she is big enough that we can even find when she is hanging out just by lightly pressing on my tummy. I'm obsessed.

17. How to trim the hedges when you can no longer see them....
Love this one! Is there even a hedge to trim? How would I know?? I can't freaking see below my belly button anymore!

18. How Jabba the Hutt really feels.
When I am trying to sit up I REALLY feel his pain! And when animals nuzzle into me like my belly is this fun place to camp out in. Yes, just disappear into my mounds of flesh ... I can't see you anyway!

19. The importance of fiber.
I've been lucky in this regard. Hallelujah!

20. When a baby does a flip off your cervix and lands on your bladder.
Her favorite past time... especially when I'm out for a walk. As if I could forget she's there? She certainly never let me!

21. That you plan every trip out of the house around access to clean restrooms.
I don't have to plan ... I already know the good bathrooms and the ones to avoid. And thankfully so far they've all been easy to get to!

22. What it feels like to be punched in the stomach from the inside.
Oh she walloped me good today. Her strongest jolting kick yet! LOVE it!!

23. Getting excited when you get diarrhea because it means the baby might be coming soon.
WHAT???? Someone please explain this to me!!! Is this true?????

24. What it's like to pee a little when you cough. Or sneeze. Or breathe.
No. Comment.

25. The reason ASPCA commercials make you cry.
Ha! They DON'T make me cry. That's what the remote control is for. Changing the channel.
But don't let me watch the episode of Friends where Rachel has her baby. Sob fest!

26. What that dude in the movie Alien felt like.
I haven't seen Alien, but if it's like this photo -- yep, makes sense!

27. Sleeping in a fortress of pillows.
That fortress has been a life saver. Do you see the woman's husband in that photo? No. Because the pillows take up all the room and he just gets to squeeze in somewhere before he or his own pillows fall off the bed!

28. Why you put dirty dishes in the cupboard and mayonnaise in the dishwasher.
My problem isn't with doing things backwards ... its more forgetting what I am doing. Or forgetting the words I am trying to say. And then not even knowing how to explain the simple word I can't find.

29. Loving someone deeply before you even meet them.
This one speaks for itself! She's my favorite little thing in the whole wide world!

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