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So here’s how 2018 came to an end for me...

At the very beginning of December I was feeling pretty so-so. My mind was focused on a half marathon I was so excited to finally get to run after years of hoping to. I was scheduled for a 10 miler as my final training run, but I didn’t feel right. I was dizzy and leaving my house for 10 miles alone didn’t feel safe. We borrowed my mom’s treadmill so I could try to do it in the safety of my home with family nearby. I ran 3 miles. My legs were great, my head wasn’t. 

The next couple of days completely changed my current way of life. Insane head pain that had me wincing and squirming in my desk t work. I couldn’t make it through my little 4 hour work days. “Migraine” was the easy way to describe it, but it didn’t feel like a migraine. At first I thought it was intense Ménière’s Disease symptoms like I’ve never experiment in the 15 years I’ve had this disease. I couldn’t walk without my cane. I still can’t drive. The pain was so bad I had to constantly lean back in a reclined position, which is rather challenging at work!

I couldn’t handle it anymore, and my husband took me to Urgent Care. Lesson learned, never say “headache” or “migraine” to describe unbearable pain because nobody will really listen after that. They sent me home with 3 prescriptions for sinusitis. Uh, what? No. The handout that I was given had this long list of symptoms. The only thing I had? Fatigue. Imagine 3 weeks of unbearable pain, you’d be tired, too! But I followed the orders of the PA and took the prescriptions in a good faith attempt that maybe he was right, but not one bit of me felt this was a sinus thing. 

Never feeling relief, a couple nights before Christmas I was back at Urgent Care this time with one of the doctors. I was the ONLY patient there, so I had a lot of attention. My

Husband helped me explain what was going on since I still have a hard time given the severity of the pain. In the end the doctor wanted me to get a CT scan to see if there really is a sinus thing happening or if maybe it is something else. 

Access denied. 

So great that we have insurance.... and some random person sitting on a computer at an insurance office can deny the request. Yeah, fuck you, bitch. It’s my blog, I can say it. 

And again I was sent home, this time with the advice that if I don’t feel relief in a day or two I should go to the Emergency Room because then insurance can’t screw me over and deny me the help I need. 

I tried. I didn’t want to go. Who wants to wait for hours to be seen and then possibly just be sent home without help?

Christmas Day was so painful. I could barely sit up to watch my baby open her presents. Once everyone else I just had to lay down all day. I couldn’t take it anymore. The next morning my mom came to get my girl and my husband took me to the ER.

Lucky for me the waiting room was completely empty. We didn’t even finish filling out paperwork and they were taking me back to my room. From there it’s a blur. 

I could barely walk at this point. I recall they would ask Shawn questions about me and my behavior. I had to do little tests like try to lush with my hands and legs. I failed the test of standing with my eyes closed. My eyes couldn’t follow anything. It was very quickly decided I was going to have an MRI as quickly as possible. 

A gal in training took 5 vials of blood from me. That was the worst. It hurt so bad and took so long. I had to remove all of my jewelry prior to the MRI and lost my nose ring in the process. Que sera sera, no biggie. I have had it over a quarter of my life, I can be done with it. 

We watched a lot of Friends on tv while waiting for my MRI, and I tried to stay bundled up under as many blankets as they would put on me. 

The MRI was about 35 minutes I think. It didn’t phase me and certainly didn’t feel long. I was probably way too relaxed given the set up and loud volume during an MRI!

I was wheeled back to my room where Shawn was waiting for me after making his way to the cafeteria for lunch. Lucky ducky!

And then the doctor came back. 

Good news was my MRI looked normal. “No brain tumors, and no signs of Multiple Sclerosis.” What??? They were worried it was one of those things? I was crying in my room before any tests had even been done, I’m so glad I didn’t know these were their concerns!

The thought, and I think what he’s hoping, is that there is inflammation in my brain and that is causing pressure on my inner ear, exacerbating my normal Ménière’s Disease symptoms. They loaded me up with drugs before sending me on my way, and said I am absolutely not allowed to work. 

Why no work? Here’s my life since the day after Christmas:

Wake up.

Eat breakfast. Take 5 pills. 

Shower. 

Put pajamas back on and brush my teeth.

Pass the f out for a few hours.

Wake up, with no idea what day or time it is.

Usually want lunch and find out it is dinner time. 

Take more meds.

Sit around like a drooling sloth, dozing off in my chair. 

Back to bed. 

Lather, rinse, repeat.

So as it stands, I am still loaded up on drugs but the doctor note says I can return to work tomorrow. I’m petrified. The pain has lessened a tad but it is still here and I can easily identify exactly where it is now. I still can’t drive. I work 4 hours. I haven’t been up and moving for 4 hours in an alert manner in I don’t know how long. 

I’m waiting to get assigned a new primary care physician. Turns out I slipped through their cracks when my prior physician left and they never gave me a new one. I guess I will see this new person then possible be sent to a specialist?? I don’t know. 

I just know this is not over. I would love to be able to do something like a normal person again. I would love to walk on that treadmill. I would LOVE to run!! I kid you not, when this started and I knew something was wrong in my brain, my biggest concern, aside from dying (I was ready to write my will), was will I be healthy enough to run with the Ragnar team I am captaining and Hood to Coast! 

No matter what I WILL be in those races! I just hope I can do them without a brain aneurysm or something!

So here’s to 2019, may it only get better from here!

Make sure you leave the hospital with cookies from the cafeteria. They are the best!!