Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Merry Christmas, Shitter Was Full!

For some, the Griswold thing is just in the movies... for some of us, it oozes deeper into our lives! And this is a photo journey of SOME of that oozing!

If I wasn't feeling lazy, I'd show you a photo of my dad running to the gate of a closed theme park. There was NO way we'd pass up the opportunity. Our running was at King's Island, not Magic Mountain, but the sentiment was the same. Obviously we parked far away - gotta beat the crowds out at the end of the day! 


Instead this will focus on Christmas, Griswold style!

First we start with 2014. A simple text conversation led to the creation of a Christmas Vacation costume party! Don't let that photo by the pool fool you - this was in December... but did Cousin Eddie hesitate to put on his Speedo, grab a beer and hit the pool in December? Heck no, so why would we skip out on that??

I spent a lot of time preparing Griswold inspired food. First up, remember that poor cat that got fried by the Christmas tree? Well, we had that fried cat on a cake! For those that are curious, it was white cake that I turned into rainbow. And the fried pussy cat is made of melted chocolate.




My character for the party was Aunt Bethany, so there was no way I could show up without a Jello mold, complete with faux at food toppings and BBQ potato chips. Also for those that might be curious, it wasn't just lime (like Aunt Bethany's) but it was for adults ONLY! That is one giant Jello shot and it was all gone in no time at all!



Shall we check out some other costumes? How about another Cousin Eddie, complete with too tight of pants and a dickie! Hey - don't get dirty on me! And Clark in his house decorating attire!


Shawn did NOT last all night in that Speedo - which he did make himself!! And I didn't last all night in mine.... but I did switch to my hockey jersey since Clark and Rusty are often seen in hockey jerseys. *And that would be my prized Ovechkin jersey I got in Canada after seeing the Capitals play. Side trivia for you!


Here we have Cousin Eddy times TWO! Oh man, if only you could have seen this in person!!!


Here's my actual costume ... although I don't think Aunt Bethany could ever sit like that! And that would be Uncle Lewis under me.


Here, let's get a little closer - to check out the way Uncle Lewis seems to really care about his bangs?? And his earbuds... well, at least he was grumpy like Uncle Lewis!


Let's fast forward to 2017. I had no motivation to create an outfit, I had no desire to legit get dressed... but I had a strong desire to make Shawn and I wear Griswold shirts! 

Katura would have been decked out if people that make stuff realize that some of us parents aren't schmaltzy and boring and would love the chance to dress out child up in something fun!!


Not exactly the same pose - but sort of close when there wasn't any attempt at all to mimic this!
But now that I think of it, I think we DID recreate that in 2012!??!

And now I'll end this - with just SOME of the Griswold ornaments that decorate my tree! Note: so far my tree has NOT had any sap, isn't full at all, and doesn't house any squirrels.... YET!


Thursday, December 14, 2017

Goonies Stand By Me in The 'Burbs

Sara, Ronda and my dad
Do you ever act on a whim and do something crazy - but at the time it seems totally practical? And maybe not at all stalkerish? And you are only in 9th grade and you don't tell any sort of adult figures what you're doing?

Uhh... yeah... 'cause Sara and I totally did that!

Maybe we should do a little introduction first for those of you not around since grade school! Sara and I are both only children. People have always thought we are sisters, if not twins. Her parents are like my second set of parents, and Katura's honorary grandparents. We were both band geeks together. We had our share of fights, but those are completely diminished by all the years of complete silliness and laughter we have had. Seriously, get us together and it won't take long and we will be crying from laughing so hard and we won't be able to speak. For a while we were pretty much attached at the hip! All of my funniest memories from life before college are with Sara! She is a poop that lives in Oklahoma now... but her parents and I will continue to hope some day she will be closer to us again!

Now let's get to today's junior high story filled with complete logic and sane, rational thinking.

* * * * * *

It was a beautiful sunny day. We were together at my house and clearly had too much time. Obviously we weren't busy with New Kids on the Block, Hangin' Tough, and arguing over who is the cute one (JOE!), and we weren't obsessing over Rocky Horror Picture Show... so what else would we do?


What would we do? We'd set off on a crazy adventure that I would freak out about if I was a mom and heard my daughter and her friend mimicked!

Sara - rocking a scrunchie on the ankle look
Sara had a boyfriend (whose name I am omitting). Cute, shy, slightly mysterious.. and Sara figured out where he lived. Since this was way before GPS and internet, we didn't exactly set off with maps or knowledge of how long this would be. I asked Shawn last night about how far he thought it was to the place Sara and I ended up at. He guestimated about 10 miles. And I was dying of laughter. Google confirmed that today. That was 10 miles ONE WAY!! Sara and I hopped on our good ol' mountain bikes (because that's what we called our bicycles back in the day) and decided to ride all the way to the middle of Melrose area to find her boyfriend's house.

For those of you not from here, Melrose is basically just land. Houses here and there. Farms. Hills. Trees. It isn't town at all. We didn't care. We were so jolly, laughing the whole way, virtually guessing which turns to take. I mean we couldn't even drive cars, and we didn't really know how to get where we were going. I guess we just used our woman's intuition! At one point we got to a T in the road. Do we go left? Do we go right?

I THINK we went right. I know in the end right was the right way to go, and eventually we were at his address. Two blond girls on their bikes, standing at a driveway, giggling, convincing themselves they could randomly appear at this farm land and not seem weird. I mean we were totally a surprise. As far as he knew, she didn't have any idea where he lived. I recall she found it on a card in the counselors office or something at Fremont. Oh no, we weren't stalkerish at all. Nope!

All this land. And no house. What? Yeah, but there was a small trailer. Not a mobile home. I mean in my head, 20+ years later anyway, it was like something you'd pull behind your truck to go camping with. Maybe it was bigger than that, but that's how I see it now. There were rabbits everywhere. And there he was. In his camper. With his parents. And it was soooo soooo awkward. I mean the amount of "o" I put in the double "so" there shows just how awkward it was.

He was uncomfortable. His parents were confused and awkward. We all just sat there almost in silence staring at each other. Remember in The 'Burbs how the new neighbors were totally strange and awkward? That was totally what this was! Sara and I were Tom Hanks and his buddies showing up uninvited and they were the creepy residents that clearly wanted us gone!

9th grade Ronda hanging out at Fremont
I have no idea how long we were there. It couldn't have been all that long. And I'm sure we peppy girls were trying really hard to seem normal and crack jokes, as hard as it was. But finally we were leaving. And laughing our asses off about how weird it all was. We did feel a little bad because he seemed maybe a little embarrassed. I don't think we judged at all - we just couldn't get over the strange vibe and the fact that we rode about 10 miles on our bikes to see him and told nobody what we were doing!

As we rode back toward town the sky started to get darker. I mean this was about to be a 20+ mile bike ride when you add in our return trip home. And we didn't bring water. We didn't have cell phones (because nobody did!). We had a very small amount of cash on us. And that went away when we got to the Melrose Store. We were so exhausted and it was getting dark. We ended up using a payphone to call my dad to come get us with his pickup truck. And with the rest of our money? We bought a box of old fashioned donuts and sat, eating them and laughing ... and we are STILL laughing about it!

Stand By Me. Goonies. Both Oregon movies. Maybe this isn't so strange? Maybe younger kids in Oregon always set off on their own adventures without telling anybody!?

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Stereotypical Band Tour Mayhem!

Sara and Ronda...
We wear short shorts
​I was in the 9th grade. In our day, 9th grade was still part of the Junior High, not high school. Sara and I were attached at the hip. Oh my gosh, the stories I could share of our hijinks in the band room! I'm laughing to myself just thinking of them right now. And that is sort of where this takes place ... although technically it wasn't the band room, but rather the band BUS!

The Fremont bands were on a grade school tour. Yeah, we're big league. Some musicians go on nationwide tours to big arenas - we did a tour of the local grade schools. The idea was to go have the different bands play (as I recall it was just Concert and Jazz bands) for the grade schools and let the kids see what they could do if they joined band. We played our most fun songs to seem like the band geek life is super cool and appealing. And come on - Sara and I had a freaking blast with band in junior high. It was probably the only positive thing, other than listening to Richard Burton read Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner in Mrs. Johnson's English class!

Amanda, Sara, Ronda, Lindsay
It seemed to be a full day tour we were on. We'd go set up in the gymnasiums with Concert Band playing first, then Jazz band. I was in both - so I pulled double duty and had to manage not one, but TWO cummerbunds all day! Red was for Concert band, while the black and white checkered one was for Jazz. For the sake of too much information, which actually DOES matter, I was the first chair flute player in Concert band (and there were only 3 of us anyway and we were freaking awesome. Shout out to Amanda and Lindsay!!) and the piano player in Jazz band. I was kind of a big deal. (Actually, I DID get the 3 year contribution award when we finished our time at Fremont band, so there!)

Midway through the day we stopped for a lunch break. This is when the accidental hijinks began. Our lunch, if I remember correctly, was over off of Stephens and Garden Valley - where Chubby's was - and McDonald's. During lunch, Andy got me a plastic ring from a little machine. Isn't that romantic!?! Ha! Somehow during this whole mid-day nonsense Sara acquired a Twix bar. These two things led to the big rebellious moment in my life that I swear was totally unintentional. I'm just really strong!

Before Phantom of the Opera
Practicing my Jazz band solo!

We were back on our bus - a full bus of band kids that just loaded up on fries and caffeine and candy. Yeah, every bus driver's dream, right?!? Sara and I were in the back third of the bus. And we had a third person in our seat. I think it was Lindsay but I'm not entirely sure. Anyway... quiet little Ted was up in the front of the bus, and this is the day Sara decided he was kind of cute and she wanted to talk to him. Being the brilliant one that I am, I crafted a plan. I grabbed part of her Twix bar and used the ring Andy gave me to carve "Ted, Sara says Hi" in the chocolate. Clearly we couldn't wait until we got to Rose school to give it to him. No! I thought I gently tossed it up toward him.

I was so wrong.

Smack!! The tiny, 1 inch long piece of Twix bar hit the front window of the bus. The bus driver was a little over dramatic and freaked out. It's not like somebody shot through the window. A scrawny armed little girl tossed a piece of chocolate just a little harder than she thought.

Now those of you familiar with Roseburg will know these locations I'm describing - the rest of you? I'm sorry - but know that it is only a couple of blocks from the time we got on the bus until this next section.

The driver immediately pulls over into the Indian Lanes bowling alley parking lot. (Oh my gosh I am already cracking up to myself again just picturing this!) Seriously, this is ME we are talking about. I'm not a rule breaker!!! "WHO THREW THAT??" she yelled as she got off of the seat and looked back at all of us. Before we could even answer, Mr. P was stepping into the bus. He was following in his truck with all of our larger instruments.

Rumor was if you got in trouble during the tour or kicked off the bus, you were immediately sent back to school. Remember how I joked I was "kind of a big deal"? Well .... are you really going to send 1/3 of your flute section home? Or your piano player for Jazz band? No, you're not!

Immediately Mr. P was looking at Mac like he was the trouble maker and said, "Hurry up, get off the bus." Mac was shocked and looked at him all confused. It was at this point that I was able to grab my flute, music and get unstuck from our threesome in the seat. "Hold on, Mr. P! I'm coming!" I said, and this is when Mr. P now looked confused.

I tried so hard not to laugh, but come on. This is funny. I mean I was getting kicked off of the freaking band bus for trying to be a match maker for my best friend! I got in Mr P's truck and we pulled away behind the school bus. It was silent for maybe less than a minute. We were both trying so hard not to laugh. He finally asked what the heck happened and I told him. He clearly saw the humor in it as well!

We arrived at Rose to do our last concert, and I think it ended up being the most fun because we had just had that silly incident happen. My fingers hurt so bad by the end of that. Imagine being the piano play for Great Balls of Fire, and playing it over and over all day long. It burned so good!

At the end of the year I had Mr P sign my yearbook ... and of course he wrote to not get kicked off the band bus again!


Aww, those were the days!



Tuesday, December 12, 2017

"I think you need to go to the bathroom."

Date:  January 21, 2016
Location: The Douglas County Fairgrounds
Occasion: First Citizen Banquet
Situation: I was ridiculously pregnant and about to pop!

Shawn and I were seated at the Roseburg Disposal table for the evening, where we would learn who the First Citizens of Roseburg were. We knew that one of them was at our table, and the whole reason we were there ... under the fake story of being "seat fillers." My mom was at another table on the other side of the building. Hers didn't win best decoration, by the way ... because our table did. Boom!


We arrived early, giving time to socialize with everybody there who wanted to be seen. Ugh, a few "pineapple" moments -- if you know me, you understand this!! I wasn't there to be seen. I was there waddling around, wondering if I was going to randomly go into labor before Bob was given the title of First Citizen!


There was a wall of framed photos, showing the former First Citizens from all the prior years. My mom and I were looking at it when Shawn came slinking up behind me.

"You might want to go to the bathroom," he said quietly and with a tone. 
"Huh???" I replied, completely confused. I mean clearly he wasn't thinking he'd get a quicky in a nasty bathroom stall, so what the heck was going on?
"I think you NEED to go to the bathroom. Your seat is wet, I think your water broke!"

WHAT??? He was standing behind me, allowing me to attempt to casually feel my dress and see if it was all wet. I felt nothing. What the heck was going on? I mean I didn't feel any water come out. I didn't feel any contractions happening. This can't be it!

Still confused, I went back to sit down at our table. The evening's festivities began, with each table going back to a buffet to get food (and dessert!!!) before they started the presentations. I can't even tell you what all they talked about, but I very vividly remember all of the stuff about Bob, which was why I was there anyway. 

They announced the female First Citizen. Incidentally, she was the nurse working when I was born - and now here I was about to give birth at the Fair??!!!?? When her name was announced everyone stood up to clap as she made her way to the stage. 

And Oh My Gosh.

Tip! When you are pregnant, you can easily
use your belly to prop up a camera
to photograph people without them
noticing it. This is Bob
listening to them describe the new
First Citizen and realizing it was Him!

I glanced down at my seat. It was all wet!! You could see the outline of my pregnant ass right there, plain as day! I immediately grabbed my cloth napkin and tossed it on the chair as casually as I could. I made sure my sweater was still covering my butt, just in case. As I went to sit back down I did the "tuck my dress under my butt" move so I could feel it -- dry. WHAT??


I left the napkin there when we stood for Bob. And we realized ... I was just a freaking sweaty ass pregnant lady leaving my sweat marks everywhere! So mortifying, yet absolutely hilarious. This was in early 2016. I didn't tell this story to anyone until December 2017. Not even Becky, who was sitting right next to me!

So there you go - add this to your list of things that they don't tell you about pregnancy and what your body does as it gets closer to the time. For the record, this was January 21, Katura came out on February 7th!


Monday, December 11, 2017

Festival of Lights... Up CLOSE!


In honor of the holiday season and all of the lights we decorate with, today I’m sharing a story from years ago. Some of you may know it, some of you may read this and think there is NO way it could even be true. I promise you, sadly, this is 100% real. I can hardly believe it myself!

I can’t even remember the year, but it was December 31, 20??. Tradition has it that we gather at my mom’s house for Grandpa’s favorite dinner to celebrate his birthday. Dinner always consists of flank steak, mushrooms, peas (for me!), bread, salad, some form of potatoes.... and beverages.

Grandpa stayed as long as he could. All the older guests went home. My step dad went to his bedroom. Sheila, my mom and I were left on our own to ring in the new year. This may not have been the best idea!


It was the final night of the Umpqua Valley Festival is Lights. We always seem to procrastinate and miss the lights. But not this year! No! We would drive through and see the lights!

My mom, Sheila, my dog and I loaded up into my mom’s sedan and set off on the short drive to see the Festival of Lights. We made it on time! We were actually the final car of the season! Lady and I were comfy in the back, and we had our Christmas music piping through the speakers. We were freaking so festive!


They actually let us work at it one year!
We began our trek through the park innocently enough. Lady was on my lap looking out the window with me. She was so darn sweet! Our first stretch through the long parking lot was at a momentary pause so we could get around the bathrooms. An arrow was lit up, pointing to the left, so that cars knew to drive Around the building and not Through it. Um, we never saw the lights on the other side of that building. And that is what this blog is all about.

My mom turned left all right. A hard, left... where she proceeded to go straight. Straight over the raised curb on the other side of the lot!

There we were. In her 4 door sedan. Teetering on the curb. We were high centered! What do we do? The car kept wobbling and my mom kept hitting the gas. Next thing you know we are going forward over the curb.... and into the grass! For those of you familiar with the area, we were now in the grass facing the big covered pavilion in the main park area.

Did she stop? Oh heck no! She turned right... right through the displays!

The windows were digging up. We had to roll them down. We were laughing so hard and loud that Sheila was shouting “turn the music down! Turn the music down!” Even my dog was laughing at this point. I don't know how we didn't pee our pants. There was a lot of snoring happening. All of us were in tears!

Our plan was to drive through the lights, but we literally were driving THROUGH THE LIGHTS! My mom went down the entire display of lights toward the boat ramp. On both sides of the car were the displays. We could have practically touched them. Somehow she turned us around.... and we went right back through them again! I don’t know how she didn’t hit any of any of the supports holding them in place.

We made it back to the pavilion area where she had to make another hard left to avoid a sign. The car ended up driving up with walking path back to the main road. Somehow we made it through with zero damage to us, the car or the lights!

On our way out we saw a vehicle driving through checking on everything. Had they seen what happened? Who knows! Did they hear the roaring laughter? How could they not??

To this day we cannot drive through the Festival of Lights without retelling this story to ourselves. Those of you that have enjoyed the lights since then... you are welcome. Because of us NOT destroying them you still get to pay $10 a car to go see ‘em!