The Ego of Vlogging

I have nothing in the works vlog wise, so I figured I'd head on over to the blog! Hello and welcome back!

As you probably know, I've been having fun playing around with vlogging during our family vacations. We were talking about it the other night, how instead of making scrapbooks, as a family we have fun creating video memories we can go back and watch whenever we want. I have scrapbooks in the closet that are not complete because scrapbooking takes up so much time and supplies. I can whip out one of those Shutterfly photo books in a day or two and call it good. So much faster and cheaper that way. But our vlog is a whole different creature.

Some might think vlogging our trip means I am just staring in my phone or camera the whole time. Ha! If you watch them you'll possibly figure out that isn't true. You might recall I lost my phone for about an hour during our August vacation right before we were about to head to Port Canaveral. Oh my, the stress, the drama, the tears! To prevent that from happening again my lovely mother suggested I get a lanyard for my phone. Of course I laughed at her idea.... and then went and got a phone lanyard. So now, as we are wandering around I just have it hanging at the ready for me. When something seems like maybe a moment we want to capture I just have to grab it, slide my finger across the screen and boom, I'm in video mode in probably one whole second. Do I stare at it when I record? Not that often. I just kind of hold it up and what you see is what you get. I do use video mode to take photos, so that would be when I do pause to actually look and get a nice shot. But part of the fun is once I start to edit I actually see what I recorded. On attractions? Tower of Terror and Expedition Everest are excellent examples of me turning the video on and letting it just hang on the lanyard and we see and hear the results of all the fun we have. On Soarin' I did the same. Turned it on, held it against my chest and just enjoyed the ride without even looking at my phone one time. That video came out awesome! I was pleasantly stunned! So no, I definitely live my vacation and experience it and don't have my face buried behind a camera.

That all leads me to the negative, since clearly I assumed that everyone thinks I'm not really living my vacation when I'm vlogging. There are so many professional vloggers. I am far from being that and I am not trying to be one. Like I said, this is just our way of making our own scrapbook and if people watch and enjoy, well great! But in vlog world people also "hate watch" people just to make fun of them. As I edit I do this to myself. I "know" that "you" (meaning anybody in the entire world that might see it) are seeing all the bad. Trust me, any negative thoughts you have about me and my videos, I have them but wayyy worse. 

I hear my awful voice, which finally I am used to after more than a year of doing vlogs. I see my gross face. I notice my tired makeup at the end of the days. I roll my eyes every time I say "happening" or any variation of that word. I know I'm judged for what I eat. I'm sure people hate my commentary. Die hard Disney fans might not enjoy my opinions on some things.  My list goes on and on and on.

In vlog world viewers can be cruel. Nobody is safe from it. 

Being a vlog that doesn't get watched I guess spares me from the mean comments being actually typed on my YouTube page. But I know they are thought. It is human nature. So that makes me wonder.... Do vloggers have big egos and feel super confident when putting out their videos? Do they have poor self esteem so they make videos trying to seek positive comments and attention from others? Do they just not even care? Do those "famous" vloggers read the comments, good and bad? Do they secretly read the gossip forums where people dissect them and trash them? 

Where do I fall in all of this? I definitely do not have high self esteem, but I also don't have super low. I just pretty much don't care. All those negative thoughts people would have about me, like I said, I am way harder on me than anyone else ever could be. At one point I apologized for emphasizing my T's too much - and then I promptly took it back because it is just me. Watching yourself on videos, you learned things. And I say my T's clearly, so there! Yeah, I am a vegetarian and I don't eat a lot of strange things. That's fine. I'm okay with it, it is my mouth and taste buds. Does my Disney opinion bother you? Fine, that's okay. Yeah, I'm happy a horrible attraction that was always 101 is finally torn down and I very much celebrated it! I think being a Cast Member for so long in a variety of roles probably has me see things through different eyes. 

And add in being a Disney Vacation Club member now, that probably adds a different spin. Suddenly we are in much different accommodations than I ever thought I'd be staying in. But with that comes us paying annual dues and monitoring the status of our home resort - a probably high expectations. Aulani had a chunk of pool tiles missing. We pay for that upkeep, so yeah, Shawn did bring it up. I'm still in awe of those resorts, and maybe that annoys people that I get so excited when I see our rooms. That's fine. I stayed at Value resorts for so long, you're damn right I'm going to be stunned when I walk into a freaking villa at a new resort!

So yeah, we vlog. We share our lives during our vacations or other little outings we might do around Oregon. We know we will be judged. I lean toward thinking it is a harsh judgement, but I'm sure some watch with kinder eyes than I watch myself. I have fun playing around with footage, picking out music, inserting old photos that match the video, laughing at things I forgot had happened. I spend a lot of time doing this, too! On average I had about 1 hour and 15 minutes of vlog footage per day. The exceptions to that would be Sea World and Universal Studios. I won't say how much I had on those! I go through every single tiny video and edit, combine things, and then present it in a little package. A 22 minute video to you is much longer than that for me. I don't know times but I'd guess 2 hours would be how much time it takes to create depending on interruptions. The compilation video? Yikes! I watched every single completed video again, writing down which moments to go back and find and put in the video before doing major trimming to create the final product. 

It is so much fun! I slaughter my own ego in the process and at times can't even look at myself (notice who you see on camera the least.... that would be ME!), but still I love it! Seeing Katura dancing in the "snow", my mom pouring champagne into a kid cup, Shawn dancing in the mirrors, capturing the monorail spiel... all these little fragments make it all worth it!

So there's the messed up psychology of my vlog. 

And if you haven't watched any of them, here is the recap from our most current adventure!