THE Retirement Decision - How It All Went Down (Behind the Scenes Dirt!)

I haven't had a post-race blog in a while, and if any race warranted one this certainly does. The Ragnar Trail Oregon relay... which if you are in my generation or an Oregonian, of course you're just calling it the Oregon Trail relay. Ragnar missed out on some fun marketing and merchandise options with this one. Just swap the order of the words and you'd have had brought in some serious $$$ in the gear tent!

The original Rebel Scum team was formed in 2019. The 2020 race was cancelled. The 2021 race was cancelled. We swapped so many teammates in that time due to normal life circumstances. In the end Lisa, Sara and I were the only 3 original teammates left standing! During all of these years from the formation to actually running I had my own life things going on and as many know I have been seriously pondering retiring from long-distance running. I LOVE running! I never said retiring from running all together, just not the long races. Going into this 2022 race season I was never certain of what the future would hold. Now I think I have my decision.

But let's back up!

I'm still formulating my thoughts as I type this.....       I loved being close to home with this race! We all liked not having to load up into vans and constantly caravan our way around and navigate parking lots. We had our own little tent area set up, way too much food, a camp stove, a table, decorations. Rebel Scum was set! It was my first time camping other than sleeping in a tent in someone's yard once. And it was quite fun! We had no running water while we were there, so that was a change. I always want to wash my hands after a run and I couldn't do that. I kept using wipes and things like that - and then I'd just use water and ice in the cooler to get that hit of water to feel like I did a real washing. My bed was quite comfy. I came equipped with a little roll up air mattress, comfy themed pillow, stuffed toys, lights and lots of blankets. I was actually sweaty the first night!

So camp life was a win! We were right on the Yellow loop race path which was great. We could cheer on runners while having an unobstructed view of all of the mountains and very easy access to the potties!

Team life.... usually I sugar coat things in my blog to be nice. F that. I'll be 100% honest this time. We can thank retirement for that? We had 9 people camping in our group (8 runners, 1 volunteer). I'll say doing the math, 88% of us were cool. That remaining 1 person... one and DONE. Never again. Basically let me put it this way -- if you want to be a good TEAMmate and be asked back to anything, don't be a self-important, all knowing, condescending bitch! And probably don't be that way non-stop to the team captain (ME!) ... especially when the team volunteer is the team captain's spouse. This isn't my first rodeo. Talking down to me and constantly questioning me is NOT the way to win any sort of friendship. This began before we even met - behind the scenes with constant private messages talking down to me about every little thing. One and DONE!

Let's talk running. The course was HARD! I admit I only did 1/3 of the loops (we'll get to that), but because I am a team player and I socialize with other teams I can say that 100% of the people said this was a challenging course. Crazy hills, heat, high elevation, blazing sun, pitch black darkness, so many things play into this and everyone felt it in their own way. I really wanted to run in the dark. I LOVE running in the dark. It is my favorite! I really wanted to run down the face of Mount Bachelor into the finish line on that red loop. Downhill is my forte! I can't get enough of it. So I really struggled with the captain decision I had to make.

I was runner 8, the last runner in the rotation. I set out on the yellow loop of 4.4 miles at the heat of the day. At the end of my run I was shown it was actually 85 degrees when I was out there. I might go into yellow loop detail in another post - this is just more about the captain call I had to make. So anyway it was beyond hard for me. My legs felt great! I LOVED navigating the different terrain. It smelled so nice out there. I got to see mountain bikers working their way down the mountain. It really was beautiful. But I couldn't breathe. It got to the point where I was disoriented, battling vertigo and hardly able to take any steps without feeling like I'd fall over from lack of oxygen. I leaned on a tree for a while. And I kept meeting up with other runners all struggling to run. On the steepest parts every single person was walking and struggling. I wasn't sure I could finish. I did - but I also thought I was going to be taken away by the medical staff at the end. I knew I had to make some decisions.

That course was the flattest of the 3 and it wasn't at all flat. And it was the lowest elevation. It wasn't feeling the safest thing to try to do the other 2 and risk something bad happening. I thought of the runner friend we had that was healthy, 1 year older that me, running before his shift as a firefighter and dropped dead on the sidewalk. I saw a staff person checking in with a kid that was probably early 30s at the oldest and they had to use the AED machine on him and bring him down the mountain during his run. Healthy, strong runners were succeeding. Healthy, strong runners were struggling and getting nasty injuries. 

So I made the tough call. Initially Shawn was going to run the night run of 3.1 miles with me and I'd have my cane to help me out. After talking with other runners we made the call that it wasn't smart. The course wouldn't really allow us to go together in pitch black conditions. If I fell he couldn't help me. If he fell I couldn't help him. So in the middle of the night I sent our volunteer out to run my green loop for me. We are a pirate family - we make our own rules!

This didn't resolve my final run, however. So we went to the race timing expert in the morning and found out our options. We were at the point where we could all just run it and be fine time wise and finishing before the course cut off. Or we could double up if we wanted and be fine. We weren't running slow by any means, but if I tried to go on that red loop, well I don't know what would happen. So as the captain I found out our options, how to work it and made the call. I had our yellow runners double up and go together. Then when it was time for red 2 of us went at the same time. Then I bailed and was the ghost runner. My time was counted the same as the one that did the running. So I wasn't ignored, I was just an invisible, ghost runner. I met up with her and we went into the transition tent together. That let Sara be our final runner! She deserved that. She is an awesome runner, the one that got me on the Hood to Coast team, the most supportive teammate ever, and she was dressed as Rey! It was her finish line to lead us through!

Well let's just say the one that was condescending did not like MY captain decisions and even went to the timing tent to question things. SHE tried multiple times to get me to switch so she could be the final runner before we ever even hit race weekend. By the time we go to the decision making process I can tell you I would let ANYONE but her be the final runner. Being a team player goes a long way. Who chose to not even cross the finish line with us and instead got multiple massages? I think you know. I thank her for not hanging out with our team very much. It was better that way. In the end I got to have a lot of fun with everyone and that almost helped me with my decision making....

Here's where I am, around 48 hours after finishing the relay....

Shawn was the team volunteer (every team is required to provide one or pay $120). He signed up to take finisher photos of the teams with their medals. The rest of the team was able to go home and I went up to the village to watch him work. Dude, it was so fun! I started talking with the teams and would try to help pump them up from the background when they needed help to figure out how to pose. I talked to so many people. I've even connected with some on Instagram after returning home. I love the vibe of a race, especially relays. I don't want to just quit them forever. And that's when it hit me! I can still be a part of the atmosphere by being a volunteer and helping everyone out! I love being at exchanges and cheering for everyone - not just my own teammates. I am great with spreadsheets. I love to plan. I've got this captain stuff down! Sara had said maybe we can co-captain and split up duties, doing the stuff we each excel at - then I can just be the required volunteer and NOT risk dying on a mountain while running. And then I can still run at home for fun of course. I have no plans of stopping. I just can't kill my body anymore. I have a gymnastics dynamo I'm raising and I need to be able to keep up with her, so I have to stay healthy!

So there it is. My thoughts on the relay from a teammate/captain stand point. It was the first time of all the teams that I had a vibe from the start (and was right) that I was almost being bullied into doing what one person wanted. I was NOT going to let that happen. So many years I have been working on this race. No stranger was going to come in and just steamroll me. I'd consider this a win! I made new friends, I hung out with old friends, I made the tough decisions, I stood my ground, and I never told anyone to F off right to their face!