Tuesday, December 12, 2017

"I think you need to go to the bathroom."

Date:  January 21, 2016
Location: The Douglas County Fairgrounds
Occasion: First Citizen Banquet
Situation: I was ridiculously pregnant and about to pop!

Shawn and I were seated at the Roseburg Disposal table for the evening, where we would learn who the First Citizens of Roseburg were. We knew that one of them was at our table, and the whole reason we were there ... under the fake story of being "seat fillers." My mom was at another table on the other side of the building. Hers didn't win best decoration, by the way ... because our table did. Boom!


We arrived early, giving time to socialize with everybody there who wanted to be seen. Ugh, a few "pineapple" moments -- if you know me, you understand this!! I wasn't there to be seen. I was there waddling around, wondering if I was going to randomly go into labor before Bob was given the title of First Citizen!


There was a wall of framed photos, showing the former First Citizens from all the prior years. My mom and I were looking at it when Shawn came slinking up behind me.

"You might want to go to the bathroom," he said quietly and with a tone. 
"Huh???" I replied, completely confused. I mean clearly he wasn't thinking he'd get a quicky in a nasty bathroom stall, so what the heck was going on?
"I think you NEED to go to the bathroom. Your seat is wet, I think your water broke!"

WHAT??? He was standing behind me, allowing me to attempt to casually feel my dress and see if it was all wet. I felt nothing. What the heck was going on? I mean I didn't feel any water come out. I didn't feel any contractions happening. This can't be it!

Still confused, I went back to sit down at our table. The evening's festivities began, with each table going back to a buffet to get food (and dessert!!!) before they started the presentations. I can't even tell you what all they talked about, but I very vividly remember all of the stuff about Bob, which was why I was there anyway. 

They announced the female First Citizen. Incidentally, she was the nurse working when I was born - and now here I was about to give birth at the Fair??!!!?? When her name was announced everyone stood up to clap as she made her way to the stage. 

And Oh My Gosh.

Tip! When you are pregnant, you can easily
use your belly to prop up a camera
to photograph people without them
noticing it. This is Bob
listening to them describe the new
First Citizen and realizing it was Him!

I glanced down at my seat. It was all wet!! You could see the outline of my pregnant ass right there, plain as day! I immediately grabbed my cloth napkin and tossed it on the chair as casually as I could. I made sure my sweater was still covering my butt, just in case. As I went to sit back down I did the "tuck my dress under my butt" move so I could feel it -- dry. WHAT??


I left the napkin there when we stood for Bob. And we realized ... I was just a freaking sweaty ass pregnant lady leaving my sweat marks everywhere! So mortifying, yet absolutely hilarious. This was in early 2016. I didn't tell this story to anyone until December 2017. Not even Becky, who was sitting right next to me!

So there you go - add this to your list of things that they don't tell you about pregnancy and what your body does as it gets closer to the time. For the record, this was January 21, Katura came out on February 7th!


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