Four days in fabulous Las Vegas, countless pina coladas, dancing, singing, good food, and that little tiny event called my WEDDING!!! How on earth does one try to sum that up in a single blog? Yeah, you don't. So where does one start? Well, clearly you can't just have a wedding. You have to have the build up! I'm choosing to not go in order, and instead to start with the most epic of Vegas days ever..... the Bachelorette Party!
Saturday morning I met up at Planet Hollywood (my resort) with the Excalibur ladies at 9am for a nice stroll to the Showgirl Bar, all the time looking for any place serving alcohol that we could sip on before our class. What class was it? Stripper 101!
Sadly one member of our group couldn't join us, so instead we were a group of 9. Nine ladies clueless as to the hilarity that this 90 minute class would end up creating. Hilarity that would carry through the trip, even showing up during my wedding. I repeat DURING MY WEDDING!! My mom and I were so excited to finally see each other in Las Vegas, and quickly we bellied up to a bar for strawberry margaritas, i.e. liquid courage. For a while it was just six of us, and we all took the opportunity to get some photos under the stripper's legs. (See photo) Imagine being the bride, wearing a Bachelorette sash from her two new most-favorite girls in the entire world, and hanging out with your fiance's mom ... posing under a ginormous stripper statue. Yeah. I needed that drink!
Soon the 3 remaining ladies arrived and we were let in to the Showgirl Bar to sign waivers and pose for our official group photo. Thank goodness for the built in shorts on running skirts - I'd have been showing off a lot of my business had that not been there!!! At 10:30 we were escorted back to our classroom. It was pretty small, with a raised stage, cubbies for purses, animal print chairs lining the walls, and an adorable fireplace. *No pictures allowed, but if you need photos, check out their facebook page. I tried to hide in the corner, and was bullied into moving one seat over. So there I was, 2nd row, 3rd person in ... but that darn Bachelorette sash ... Almost immediately I was called up to the stage by our teacher, a former stripper, and told to sit.
|10 am margaritas!|
From there I pretty much got a lap dance - a lap dance of things you should NOT do, and tips on what TO do and lines to say to get money (or things from your husband, a new purse, perhaps?). So now humor me and imagine yourself on stage with 18 women looking at you, one being your mom and the other your future mother in law (an arms reach away from me!!!) ... and now picture that stripper using you, and then you accidentally touch her boob .... and the whole time your future MIL is cracking jokes. It would have been mortifying if it wasn't so damn funny and awesome!
Back at my chair we all stood up and started learning some seductive dance moves .... while describing them like normal activities (taking a shower, washing your leg, giving yourself a monthly breast exam). I was laughing so hard inside!!! I mean just in front of me is MF's mom spanking herself and to my left is my mom swiveling her hips around. What was going on?? We then incorporated the chair and had imaginary men seated while learning more moves. Again, lots of laughter, but as time went on we were all loosening up a bit. Once we completed the lap dance portion we moved on to the biggie .... the stripper pole!
|New Sister-In-Law!!! :-)|
I paired up on my pole with my new sister-in-law ... talk about an ice breaker when you are grinding on a pole while facing each other! We actually learned some moves that kept our feet on the floor, and turned those into one mini-routine. Then we became big girls -- and learned three different ways to spin around that pole with our legs off the ground. It was actually pretty darn cool! For the end of class it was a free-for-all of testing out all of our next moves while thinking of our stripper name.
Forget about R0nda Rae, you may now call me Dimple$! Don't believe me? Check my Stripper 101 graduate license!
|Now THIS is how you do Vegas!!|
But the day wasn't done! I naively thought I was going to meet up with MF and then just chill in Vegas until our show later that night. I was so wrong - and so glad I was! I expected a group lunch somewhere (snooze) and instead was told by my future sister-in-law that I was being kidnapped. I was told to meet in the Miracle Mile Shops at Fat Tuesday to grab drinks on our way to the valet/taxi area. Apparently MF was in on this the whole time and kept it a secret, good boy! I was told we were going to take a limo down the Strip to see the sights. They left out a tiny detail..... we were picked up in a stretch Hummer, complete with thumping music, crazy lights, and stocked with beer and ice. The cherry on top? The sunroof!
For the next hour the three of us girls, (myself, future sister-in-law and the Best Man's girlfriend) drank, danced out of the sunroof, visited the Vegas sign, went up and down The Strip, practiced our new stripper moves, took tons of photos, got flashed by a bachelor party, and had an absolute blast!! It was something you only ever see in movies, except it was actually happening! They were so freaking sweet to steal me away and show me a great time! The funniest thing was AFTER the fact when texting with one of my very best friends .... he totally saw us without even knowing it was us screaming down the Strip!
|Mike Tyson - take that, bodyguards!|
At the end of our ride we hustled to the Miracle Mile again .... to see Mike Tyson! We weren't willing to fork over $180 for an 8 by 10 glossy and a chance for a photo, so instead I had to be stealth to snap a quick shot of him while 3, not one, not two, but THREE body guards kind of skootched me away. Really? Do the girls and I look THAT scary that Mike Tyson needs THREE guys moving me? Whatever, I saw Mike Tyson!
More drinks, shopping, and then our party was done. It was such a total blast! My life may never be the same after that!