|(Dress #2) - Like my bra?|
It had potential to be the next hit on TLC amid all of those Say Yes to the Dress, Four Weddings and Gypsy wedding type shows. It was certainly memorable. It left me a tad bit traumatized by the end. It was the day I bought my wedding dress!
Saturday morning my mom and aunt met me at my house where we all piled into my car, loaded with bridal magazines and The Binder, driving north on a quest for a dress. The drive alone was freaking hilarious. My aunt became Godzilla --- i.e. Godmother of the Bride gone crazy! She had her vision of what the wedding party would look like. Her vision? I think it was more for the Kardashian girls. I should be flattered. I mean she thinks I have this great body and I should show it off. She saw me in short. Not just over the knee short, but SHORT. And tight. High heels. Spray tan. Bedazzled from head to toe. BIG tiara. LONG veil. My vision …. Not that. The entire drive she sat in the back flipping through 4 magazines and pointing out what she liked and didn’t like, telling us how she would change things to make it better.
Quote of the drive north, when I said perhaps I’d go with a dainty necklace (I just feel I HAVE to have a necklace on or I feel naked): If you’re going to go dainty, then you go BIG!
Oy! My mom and I were dying in the front seat. Half out of horror, half out of the hilarity of it all. You see my aunt only had two sons. She never got a chance to be Mother of the Bride, so I guess she was taking advantage! Ah, but it was fun. Also along the way she planned my child/children, which then of course turned to the non-running women telling me I’d have to stop running if I wanted to have a baby. Don’t even get me started on that!
|Getting sparkle tips from my aunt|
Okay, so we are there, we get to Keizer and check in. I got to sit at a table, fill out a paper and get a welcome packet. Deodorant anyone? I have some now! Soon my consultant, Tatyana, was giving me the tour of the shop and asking what I was going for. She seemed to be a bit excited when I said it was Vegas and I wanted short! *Turns out there was another bride there getting married in Vegas on the same day. Since I wanted a shorter dress (I mean come on, I want to dance and party, not hold up a dress all night) that limited our options. For me this was great. I mean there are a TON of dresses in that shop, I couldn’t try on all of them. I’d be there all weekend.
With my bridesmaids, mom and aunt mingling and anxiously waiting, I slipped into my dressing room with Tatyana. Good thing I wore the big girl boy short undies, poor girl was spared from seeing my pale tooshie all day! And so I dove into that first dress. Um, it barely went over my hips. Off came the pants! And Oh my, it was freaking tight. I looked down and all I saw was a big ol’ tummy and wide hips. NOT the dress for me! I liked the length, but that’s about it. Next! Dress number 2 was the one I was staring at non-stop on the website. It looked sweet. Of course it looked better on the model, I’m mean I’m not a size 2 after all. But I still liked it. It ended up a touch longer than I wanted though, and poofier. I do have to pack this and then dance around The Strip in it, I didn’t need something huge. We discussed how to accessorize it to spice it up a bit with some color. My aunt was just insisting that I have a row of sparkles going just under my boobs. Okay, with my body I do not want a band of anything that is going to accentuate that I have big ribs and little boobies! TMI? Tatyana hooked me up with some absolutely adorable shoes to wear with the dresses. That did help I think.
|Mother of the Bride deep in thought.|
And then it was dress number 3. A short, ivory dress that I would have never even brought back to the dressing room. Not my type at all. It reminded me of dresses I used to make fun of back in junior high. And it was also strapless, like #2 was. Tatyana zipped me up, I slipped on the heels and OMG. “This is way cute!” We opened the door and eyes lit up. I went out to the big podium in front of all the mirrors and Cilley Girl insisted that was the dress. She said it fit my personality. Jessica agreed. We all loved it. Except my aunt wanted sparkle. Of course. We did play with accessories and discuss things I could do to personalize it. It just said “fun” and “I want to go dancing with my friends and celebrate”!
Then came dress 5. Number 4 never came off the hanger. We knew it would get vetoed and personally it looked a little too tight for what I wanted anyway. But number 5. OMG I freaking loved it. It had such a flattering shape and cut. Poofy, due to the petticoat underneath. Sparkles here and there. I just really liked it. But we all knew it was a no. It was too much like my first “party” dress of 2002. Number 3 came back on and that was it. Number 3 was the big winner!
|Pointy booby dress on Jessica|
The bridesmaids hit it off well I thought. Yay! This was their first meeting, and they seemed to have no hesitation about diving into the sea of dresses to find The one. We saw some colors that were just gorgeous, but also some styles that made funky retro pointy boobs. There was also concern about bras and the fact that the bridesmaids actually have boobies to work with, unlike the bride. Straps were something that they HAD to have.
To cut to the chase, all 3 of us ended up in something we had NO plans of wearing. The girls were so excited about their new strapless dresses! Cilley Girl was even jumping around demonstrating how well her girls were doing without any support. We found the right dress! And super pretty colors. After they were all set we studied colors and accessories, deciding how to tie all the people together and have the rainbow color effect I am going for. We will all meet up again when their dresses arrive, and then we’ll finish that out with just us girls, and not any other outside influences trying to turn us into one big sparkle.
|Such a gorgeous color on Cilley Girl|
*For the record, as it is now there is not one single sparkle in the bunch! Ha!
I delicately placed my new dress in the trunk and sadly said good bye to my friends. We’re meeting up next week though, so that will be fun! On the drive home we stopped for a celebratory dinner at Mazzi’s in Eugene. So delicious!! I could just go and have the rolls and be perfectly content.
It was the drive home that things got scary. I won’t elaborate, but here are some of the topics: Brazilians (and not the people, but the “style), a$$hole bleaching (people do this??), general “grooming” in girly regions and do you need a mirror to do it?, sex in cars, Adam Carolla’s opinions (which I support!), and pedophilia. I swear it all flows together if you were there, but I can’t even get into it. I almost choked on my gum so many times. My aunt has NO filter! Jessica, Cilley … you girls got lucky!!! I hope Man Friend doesn’t get scared away!!
|Aunt-zilla, Cilley, Jessica, Bridezilla picking colors|
And that’s my day of wedding dress shopping! *There are pictures of our actual dresses. Those won’t be shown until after the wedding, so anything you see here are the rejects. Lovely, but still the rejects.
**It is with the heaviest of hearts that I post this. I had it all ready to go, and to cut to the chase ... this morning my aunt that loves the sparkle and sex talk and was always a great source for gossip, hilarity and unsolicited advice decided to end her own life. It's so... I don't even know the words. I had this post written, almost just a tale of my aunt and her incredibly unique personality that we all loved, and before I even had a chance to share my story she's just gone. I feel lucky that at least my last day with her is committed to memory via this posting, and it was certainly a wonderful final day that I'll never forget. A simple, excited wave good bye. That's a final sight that I'll always remember.**