It Can't Always Be Sunshine and Rainbows and Lady Bugs

I'm angry. Angry? Is that too strong of a word? See there I go - typing to get out the things that are irking me, and I still have to try to switch it around to make it more positive. Well screw that, I'm going to try to vent! Writing is the only way I can get it out, and dammit that is what I will do!

• I am mad that I had such a bad run last night. I'd probably be perkier today had I not quit early on my run. I should have stretched. I don't know what I was thinking. My head just wasn't in it last night but I tried to make my body cooperate. Stupid plan. But (being Little Miss Optimistic, I'll do better on Thursday's run!)
• I'm mad that I have wasted so much of my life putting up with total nonsense from total douche bags.
• I'm mad at myself that having wasted so much of my precious time, I find myself getting older and having to accept the fact that having my one child is pretty much not a possibility anymore.  Right now, that pretty much pisses me off. People out there have kids that don't want them or don't appreciate them. And then there are the ones that want one, but we don't get a chance.
• I am mad that I have been brainwashed into believing I am too fat. I mean I am seething mad!
• I am mad that I felt hungry enough to eat a morning snack of crackers and peanut butter. If I wasn't "too fat" I'd probably be able to cure hunger pains without hating myself after.
• I am mad that I am too nice. I get taken advantage of. I'm a helper. I like to help. It is a family trait. I'm still waiting for karma to come back and reward me for the times I have helped out when I really shouldn't have.
• I am mad that I was told not to eat or I would "pack on the pounds".
• I am mad that I was told I was "not allowed" to weigh over 140 pounds .... or "we'd have to have a talk".
• I am mad that I have been told to my face that parts of my body are gross and unattractive. Why is it that Cindy Crawford can have a beauty mark and it is sexy, but if I have one it is gross and should be removed?
• I am mad that when I was told my face needs help and my boobs need to get bigger that I didn't stand up for myself more and just get up and leave. There I sat getting picked apart, but not wanting to be rude to the offender I just sat and took it. Again - I am too nice.
• I am mad that now, every time I look in the mirror, I see a girl that is too fat with an ugly face. I can't help the way my genetics were handed down to me. I didn't think I was that horrible to look at, but at least now I know.
• I am mad at myself for all those times I didn't just speak up. I HATE confrontation and would rather avoid it at all costs than just address a situation. 
• I am mad because I wasn't defended. I was torn apart for hours. That should have never happened. Neither person should have been participating. I am mad at myself for not putting a stop to it. I AM mad at myself for being friendly the next day after hearing all the gossip about myself.
• I am mad that someone finally had the opportunity to really stand up for me and prove that I mattered.... and then they didn't do it.
• I am mad that conversations about me happened amongst "friends". Conversations of a negative tone - negative in the most superficial way possible, too! Yet nobody would clue me in. I was the naive person. I am mad that I had to learn where I ranked by reading it on-line. I am mad that I didn't just end it then. I am really mad that I am sad at the fact that I feel used and like the big joke of people. I shouldn't care.

 

I am glad I can just write and get it out. I see a pattern here. To an outsider not knowing who I am writing about, it could seem like it is just one person. Sadly, it is not. It is many people. I just seem to willingly let people walk over me and tear me down. I am mad at myself for allowing it to happen over and over. I AM glad for things, too. ..... That will be the next post!

Come Monday

Come Monday it'll be all right
Come Monday ....

I WILL HAVE JIMMY BUFFETT CONCERT TICKETS!!!!

This Is Just All Kinds of Awesome!

Quality What???

Please click on this link:  Quality Fence Co.

Now, can you please tell  me why a fence company uses a condom as a mascot??

When you figure out it, let me know!

Thanks!

**I have tried to add the picture on this blog just in case of future link errors - and because it is easier to just look at it right here. But seriously. Condoms? Fencing? How do those two flow together?

Lessons Learned

Being the token single girl that I always am, I decided to pause for a moment and reflect on things I have learned in regard to the opposite sex, dating, marriage, yada yada yada, over these last 31 years of life.....

1. You CAN train them to put the toilet seat down.
2. If you catch him cheating on you, dump his ass immediately!
3. If he is always being hit on by gay guys .... there's a reason!
4. Trust the pets. If they have a bad reaction, there is a reason!
5. Trust the pets. If they have a good reaction, there is a reason!
6. To quote When Harry Met Sally ... "He's never going to leave her!"
7. If you can't laugh and have fun together, what's the point?
8. You can have the best personality, but if you don't have huge boobs, he's never going to love you.
9. Males do not know how to change a litter box, so don't even have hopes of getting help in that department.
10. If you marry into the mob, they won't let you out - so sign a pre-nup!
11. When you turn on your computer and it automatically starts connecting to porn sites .... dump his ass immediately!
12. Never share passwords.
13. Don't talk during sports. 
14. He WILL tell you to bring him a beer, and possibly food. He CAN get up and get it himself. 
15. No does mean no. It is not up for debate.
16. If you don't want to hang out near him when you go out together with friends... dump his ass immediately!
17. If he makes you physically ill .... dump his ass immediately!
18. When you are told that you cannot weigh over 140 pounds... you guessed it ....dump his ass immediately!
19. Being single and happy is 1000 times better than feeling stuck in a relationship - even if it means you have a date for the movies. Going to the movies alone is actually quite nice!
20. If he has mommy issues, cut your losses and move on!
21. You don't have to have a sugar daddy, but it isn't always bad to have a boyfriend that will take you out to a really nice restaurant just because.
22. If he seems like a douche, he probably is. Move on.
23. When you are best friends, that's the best relationship!
24. Bonus points if you can keep from letting sports rivalries come between you!
25. Family is VERY important. If you don't like my family or I don't like yours .... give it up!! If you do like each other -- Awesome!!

 And finally, Dudes come and go, Real friends stick around and help you bash the dudes after they are gone! So here's to my Real Friends that are probably sick of me being the 3rd wheel, yet still don't complain!

Leave It To The Beavers!

Watch out, Portland .... there's soon to be a new sheriff in town. Well, er, uh, TWO new sheriffs in town!

This June when the Great Urban Race comes to Portland, I'd be putting your money on THE team that will win it all .... Leave It To The Beavers!

Check back in mid-June for a full recap on how two unsuspecting girls from Oregon dominated the competition!

It is ON like Donkey Kong (aka Hoarding: A Photo Blog)

She is a bitch. That's all there is to it! You may recall my Gilbert Grape blog (the one about the autistic lady at work that I have to deal with all freaking day), or the one about the person thinking the rain would take the day off... for New Year's, or better yet the one where she thought you have to "walk differently" in Las Vegas??  Well it is probably pointless to say I can't stand her.  And she may have taken her last action before I declare an all out war!

I do the ordering for our department. She wanted rubber bands. Perhaps I should have read her request closer, but I didn't. This is what I put on her desk yesterday morning (a ONE POUND bag of rubber bands): 

It might be helpful to note at this point that for the most part the rubber bands we use are just recycled between people on our floor. They go from one desk to another, and then back.  Upon seeing this bag, which I was friendly about delivering, she said, "Well, where's the rest?" "The rest of what? You only ordered rubber bands." "No, I wanted 4 bags. Where are the other 3?"  *I laugh at this point -- FOUR pounds of rubber bands you think you need???* "Yeah, I only ordered one!" "So you're going to go order the other 3 now, right?" "Um, No! We aren't going to go through that bag for a long time." "Oh we might. We are almost out. I only have a tiny little bit left."  That brings us to our next photo. This is what is currently sitting in the little tray inside of her gross desk:

Okay fine. That isn't a huge amount right there. The key words in that sentence are "RIGHT THERE".  I watched her put away the one pound bag and noticed there was a stash of them. Once she left, I pulled out a Rubbermaid container only to discover the following image: 

I will happily dissect for you the contents. A bag that has 1/2 pound remaining. 3 bags each weighing in at a quarter pound of rubber bands. Then a huge bag of gigantic rubber bands that we have never used. A couple more random sized bags of more rubber bands in a size we don't use.  Add to this now the 1 pound bag I just bought, and that still isn't enough? We need THREE MORE POUNDS???  No.

*****

Today, as her childish way of "getting revenge" she has decided I am germy and contaminate everything. After my 15 minutes of torture where I let her have a break, she came back and disinfected every inch of her desk. I don't even sit in her chair. I don't touch anything. I stand back and wait for customers. But, because I won't contribute to her hoarding, she is now going to play the "you're gross"card and make a scene every time she comes back to her desk. She is already doing this to another co-worker. It is ridiculous. Especially considering the dirty one here is HER!  Well, "Arnie Grape", two can play this game. And it is ON!  

Why won't she just retire?? We are all arguing every day with a 112 year old bitch!

*****

Heh, heh, heh.  She just went to the bathroom. I had to get up to help a customer. What did I do after?? I'll tell you! I used my germ infested self to touch her phone and her calculator and her desk and anything else I could contaminate!

Fashionable?

Why is this pigeon-toed stance the big pose that is sweeping the red carpet?? I don't get it at all. Heidi Klum does it all the time. Is this really what is considered fashionable? If so, I am soooooo not in style!

TV Recap - as of now.

Oh how funny, witty and spot on am I with my Idol recaps this year? What? You haven't read them yet? Oh. Wait, I didn't write them yet? That's right .... because American Idol this year is a complete snooze fest. Randy Jackson is just a total moron with nothing to add. Simon can't give a poo about it anymore. Ryan is prying and trying to create some sort of drama and story for everything. Kara is Kara. Ellen is awesome! But the contestants. Eh, whatever.

***Totally unrelated side note!! I just got a confirmation notice saying my order from SEDUCTION EXTREME has been shipped. WHAT??? OMG, what is my FedEx guy going to think when he sees me getting a box that says SEDUCTION EXTREME on it??? He already chats me up enough as it is, but now? Oh dear! For the record, when I placed my order it was through Supermodel Boutique -- and I bought purple Mary Jane's for my Halloween costume!***

Real Housewives of NYC - Wow. I feel like I need to choose a side between Jill and Bethenny, but I don't know who to pick. They both have valid points. Perhaps Bethenny needed to be a little less in attack mode, and actually say what she wanted to say. Jill needed to calm down a little and just listen before writing her off totally. However, with that said, I felt forced in a toxic friendship for a few years and when it all came to an end I was really happy and relieved. So perhaps those two just shouldn't be friends anymore and that will be best for them both. Still love the Countess. She might not be married to the Count anymore, but she will always be the Countess in my book! Ramona's eyes ARE going to bug out of her head sooner than later. Did you guys see clips of her walking on the runway? It was bizarre! I have no idea when this show airs, I usually just catch repeats - but the bug-eyed runway is something I cannot miss!!

Glee is back!!! I was sit through Idol just waiting for the season premiere of Glee!!

MTV - apparently a few seasons of the Real World have come and gone. And more Challenges. Eh. I hate that I don't even care. I stopped caring when the Real World stopped being a tad real and started being a drunken, naked hot tub make-out fest. I am seriously so old.

Kirsti Alley's Big Life - I am addicted! She cracks me up! I think I would like to be friends with her actually. But I can't get on board with her Twitter addiction. I don't really get the whole Twitter thing, and that's fine by me. I don't feel I have any void in my life that Twitter could possibly fill.

Jessica Simpson is another one that I love. I am so happy she has a show again. I miss Newlyweds - yet I don't miss pansy-ass Nick Lachey. Anyway, I really enjoy seeing Jessica and her peeps (which if you forget to put a space between her and peeps it looks like I just said "Jessica and herpes" - glad I caught that booboo!) go to different countries to experience the culture and learn what they feel is beautiful. Really, watching that it shows how shallow Americans are about looks. I think I should go live in Thailand with all of my truly beautiful Thai girl friends!

Am I watching anything else? OOH yes! A biggie!!

Survivor. What the hell is happening?? Why are those stupid villains listening to this Russell guy? I never saw his original season, but even I can tell he shouldn't be trusted. When they got rid of Rob I was mad! Rob was my favorite this season. And why did they vote off Stephenie?? She is probably my all-time favorite Survivor contestant. Boo! I know people always love Rupert, but I am sooooo over him. Completely over him. So now I guess I am Team Colby. He seems like a good guy!

Okay NOW is there anything else? If I come up with more, I'll just have another recap blog! For now, that was my quick take on the tv I watch .... next blog will have Dancing with the Stars and Project Runway!

Nonsense

• Ted Danson really grosses me out. I don't know why. It could be the odd shape of his head. Or his strange hair and how we learned he was balding in the back center spot but hiding it. I don't know. I just have an aversion to him.
• 80% of the time I go through this particular intersection on my way to work after lunch, I almost die. That might be a slight exaggeration. Basically I have learned that nobody feels the value in coming to a complete stop or yielding the right of way. Even as a pedestrian it is terrifying some times. My co-worker was almost hit - her hand actually hit the truck as it was coming for her.
• I think we, as a society, are just in too much of a hurry. We aren't valuing things that we should. Instead it is just rush, rush, rush .... and in the end more and more car accidents and me almost dying.
• I hate it when people with zero fashion sense talk to me about my clothes. A compliment from them feels like an insult to me. 
• I tried to buy shoes last night. I think maybe my next career should be in designing shoes that aren't fugly. Just because it walks down the runway does NOT mean it is attractive or flattering to the human form. Next time you try on shoes, don't just look at your feet. Take a step back and see how your whole body looks. If you end up looking like a stumpy legged person, those shoes are not for you!
• There are times I would like to hold little fashion seminars for women. I'm not saying I am the future editor of Vogue magazine by any means, but I am of the firm opinion that females are trying too hard to dress like celebrities and models, and not really looking in the mirror.  Your muffin top sticking out over your skinny jeans, paired with your bulky barely tied shoes? .... you look ridiculous. Your shape doesn't look flattering. You are making yourself look worse. Flattering clothes are a must. Sometimes they are more difficult to find, but when you do find them I suspect you would look AND feel better!
• I will never own a hatchback car. 
• I roll my eyes when people say "giterdone".  I don't even know how to properly spell that. Is it 2 words? Is it 3?
• I like to tally mark things. If I see a trend, the former psych student in me feels a need to monitor it and look for patterns and reasons.  Once a co-worker would come out to my desk area multiple times a day and talk about the weather, my wet hair, what was I going to have for lunch, yada yada yada. Stupid small talk that didn't matter.  On a record day we counted him coming through our office THIRTY times!  I used to do this in college, too. More specifically in my economics class. Did you know it could take a sorority girl 10 bites on a Triscuit before it was completely off of her desk? That's not 10 chomps. That is 10 individual nibbles on one little cracker.
• That reminds me of ice chomping. I wouldn't do it around me. Please. Spare yourself. Just don't do it.
• People shouldn't be famous just for reproduction. Why is that horrible Kate woman on tv all the time? So what she popped out too many children. That doesn't make her talented or special. Irresponsible maybe? I guess that is just an entirely different blog in itself!
• I get a total kick out of watching that Kirsti Alley show on A&E. The Big Life? Is that the name? She is nutso! But in a good way. I mean she seems like a genuinely nice person. And how fun is it that she has a mini-door in her house and all those animals? I feel bad for her - hopefully she has success with her latest weight-loss plans. Its obvious how much her appearance bothers her. But then she's a woman, and don't we all have issues with our bodies in some way?
• My phone phobia is horrible. I have The. Hardest. Time. answering a phone. And maybe even a harder time dialing someone. Except my mom. And Brian. I can call those two with no problem at all - much to their chagrin I imagine!  I am slowly getting better though, thanks to my job. But still, I pretty much hate the phone.
• I am awesome at texting! I'm super fast. I can almost do it in my sleep!
• Totes!
• I am NOT a jogger - I AM a runner!! And damn proud of it!!
• I think my co-worker is a robot. 
• Grilled cheese sandwiches NEVER get old!!
• Just because I worked in Disney World forever doesn't mean I want my life to be all Mikey and cartoons all the time. Don't ask if I have seen the latest movie - I haven't. Please don't give me any Mickey Mouse gifts - I have enough. Once I got him tattooed on me, well that was really enough, right?
• One of my BFFs - the Yang to my Yin - we have matching tattoos! His is filled in, mine is an outline. That is so very yin/yang of us! No, we didn't do this on purpose. They were put on years ago way before we ever met. We are so MFEO*!    ............*made for each other.
• Some of my favorite men wear dresses. Some of my favorite women wear pants.
• Confession: I bought one Lady Gaga song for my iPod. I couldn't help it. It seemed like it would be good to run to. It is. Please don't hold this against me. I promise I won't make a habit of it.
• At 31 years old I have realized that I am probably going to be the token single girl for the rest of my life. And unlike a lot of people, I'm okay with that. I actually enjoy living alone, and have all the freedom in the world. Actually, right now, I feel like I am the happiest I have ever been. I have a challenging and fun hobby, I get to travel often, I have awesome friends, I have the cutest dog and cat anybody could ever want. (Don't even think to yourself that yours is cuter, because its just not possible!) Just a short drive gets me to the coast or to the snow... or to the Enchanted Forest! Things are going great! I'm as happy as a clam!  This leads me to wonder -- how do we know clams are happy anyway? Would you be happy if you were living in the mud and them somebody shoved a finger toward you and started digging - then throws you carelessly into a bucket, takes you home and eats you?? I wouldn't be happy! But until we get to the bottom of that, we'll settle with me being happy as a clam!
• The only thing left to do .... get my sperm donor straightened out!
  
• One more thing left to do ... meet Anthony Hopkins!

You're What???

This is what I heard being yelled at the world when I was walking back from lunch:

I'M HITLER. I'M A N****. AND I'M HIGH ON METH........ WHAT THE HELL IS GOING TO HAPPEN??

Shortly thereafter the police arrived. She was right -nothing happened! I saw a blue bracelet thing on her wrist that looked like what I got in the hospital. I wouldn't doubt she was in some sort of facility!  A cat in the neighboring window was intrigued with the whole police procedure. They pulled stuff out of her pockets -must not have been anything great.

OMG now she is screaming on the balcony -jumping up and down - still smoking.  Love it!

Oh, a person in her "apartment complex"/brothel looking living quarters said she is Bipolar.


Round 2 of the police .... she is now handcuffed and being escorted to the jail.

Seriously I have an awesome job!!

Progress Report #7

It has been quite a while since I had an actual progress report, and that isn't because of any lack of progress!

To date I have now run in 3 races - 2 of which were just solid running without even a moment to stop and consider walking!  I am registered for my next race on May 1st. April is kind of a break month. Not a break from running, but one from races. I decided to spend this month just focusing on the 14 week 1/2 marathon training program I am on. Granted my marathon is in way more than 14 weeks, but I am getting a head start so I can feel as prepared as possible when next year's Princess weekend is upon me!  

My summer appears to be getting full of races of various lengths and difficulties. I guess I don't really know how to not go full steam into something that I'm really passionate about. I never EVER thought I'd see the day where I actually would call myself a Runner - let alone have magazine subscriptions for it, read books on it, buy gadgets for it (LOVE my SPIbelt!) and just generally enjoy doing it! It is so fun and exciting!  

I'm really looking forward to the 4th of July when I do my first 10K.  I have at least 2 picked out for this year, with 2 more that I am eyeballing and pondering on. Mixed in are various fun 5K races here and there. I might be addicted to registering for races actually. But it is such a rush to cross the finish line - I just can't help but love it!

With regard to training, I have completed week 2 of 14. And actually, my final week 2 run was amazing! I won't bore you with details of running in the wind and how hard it was to breathe and move. I'll just say I had a personal best last night by running 3 miles in 30 minutes. I know many people probably think that is slow, but this, for me, is HUGE!!  I was doing a 9:45 pace all the way until the end when the huge gusts of wind won and slowed me down. Here I thought I was moving at a turtle's pace, but in the end I was kicking my own ass!!  So it is all getting easier in ways, but getting harder in other ways. Each week I'll be adding more time to my long runs, and my shorter mid-week runs will get harder with the incorporation of hills and speed drills. I'm looking forward to it all, so that helps. I'm trying to maintain my positive attitude because I know I will need it. This whole running thing has been more of a mental challenge than anything!

And that's what's going on. Just busy eating, sleeping and breathing running. Right now 3 days a week, but soon it will be 4. I'm already looking toward the future of 2011 and different "big" races I can run in!  Let me tell you, that whole Rock 'n' Roll 1/2 Marathon in Vegas -- that is looking mighty tempting at this point!!