The Casting Couch

.... is closed. The Casting Couch hasn't really been open in well over a year. No applications to be taken as I am not currently holding auditions for any role of potential suitor. There is no vacancy. I believe I already announced my lack of desire to bother with dating or boyfriends on multiple occasions. There is just too much going on in my own life, and I am so happy and content just being my regular, independent self without the hassle of tending to someone else or their ego. It is time for me to focus on ME.

I imagine if I ever opened up the position (which has been completely closed for seven months now), I would have a strict list of required and desired qualifications - just as in any job application. I have listed them before, so I figured, based on things learned since the last list, I could update!

• Education, education, education. It was on there before, but I just can't stress it enough!
• Good oral hygiene. I mean really, is this where anyone should want to slack??
• MUST have a fun personality. MUST have a personality in general, actually! If I am bored, he's out!
• A runner would be good. Or someone that at least could be supportive of my running and join once in a while. (This is just desired, not required.)
• Manners and respect are required. No talking bad about me to my face or behind my back. If I hear "I don't give a fuck what she thinks!" then you are immediately kicked to the curb. 
• Must not physically repulse me in any manner. Physical repulsion includes, but is not limited to:  bad teeth, halitosis, gross nails, too much body hair, loud/gross eating habits, sweating/body odors with no attempt to rectify the situation.
• Must not engage in behaviors that repulse me in any manner. Behavior repulsion includes, but is not limited to:  drug use, over indulging in alcohol too frequently which results in improper/mean behavior, anything involving any form nicotine -ugh, makes me ill!
• A job is a MUST!! This is non-negotiable.
• Motivation. Motivation to get off the couch, to get out of the house, to try new things, to travel, to live.
• A voice. Don't let me do all the talking. That causes me to lose interest in the dude quite quickly. I already know my thoughts and opinions; hearing myself say them doesn't gain me anything at all. Have an opinion of your own!
• Must respect my space. I am independent. I don't want someone sitting too close to me all the time. I don't want to walk around holding hands. I do NOT want public displays of affection.
• Don't nauseate me. I am pretty much completely turned off by schmaltzy guys. Things some might consider romantic I find to be completely lame and just roll my eyes at. I don't want cutesy pet names, I don't want to deal with needy people. I'm pretty much more like a guy in this respect I guess. Sentiment at the right time is okay - but only in the right dose. What is that dose? I don't know. If Mr. Right comes along, then I'll know the dose.
• No Debbie Downers either. Don't constantly look at me like I'm an idiot. I mean if you think I'm such a moron, don't even apply in the first place!
• Respect the family. If my family doesn't like you - forget about it. If my dog and cat don't like you - forget about it. Background checks will be done. Don't doubt that!

So pretty much I am done being Ms. Nice Girl. I let people linger around too freaking long after I'm already bored or pissed off and completely un-interested in the relationship. This is just because I hate confrontation and I don't want to hurt people's feelings by telling them they are a total douche bag, or boring, or an asshole, or physically repulsive, or just Not. My. Type. 

And thus, I choose to be single! I hear a lot of people whining because they are "alone". Poppycock! I don't feel alone at all. I have great friends, great family, too many hobbies to keep up with. I am so proud to say that I am Happy!!

... but if Mark Harmon divorces and ends up knocking on my door, well back off, ladies! He's mine!