To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.
-Steve Prefontaine
Make it simple, but significant.
- Don Draper

Monday, August 24, 2015

A Roller Coaster Already??

February 9, 2015  It was my first day at work since officially becoming a woman going through In Vitro Fertility treatment. I'm prepared for the emotional roller coaster. However, I didn't expect it to start already! My first prescription doesn't even start until Wednesday, the 11th, and I don't even think those are going to cause any reaction other than maybe standard medication side effects. But damn. 

First, how do you even concentrate at work? In May it will be two years of failures at making my baby. Now that there is light at the end of the tunnel, sitting at work and being normal just feels impossible. First thing today I had to put in notice of my next appointment (which as of now is just me "seeing my specialist" - which I figure they assume is for Meniere's Disease). All I really want to do is Google everything to see what to expect on Friday. Work doesn't obviously allow that to go on, rightfully so. I found I was way too productive, trying to keep myself busy and straighten out messes at work and not focus on the only thing I'm focused on.

I wore the first of my "hide the IVF bloat" skirts today to work it into my wardrobe. I only got bitch face once over someone commenting on new clothes. Yeah, sorry about that! :) It wasn't intentional. Just happened. By the time I got home I was completely exhausted. It's been pretty stressful the last week as I waited to find out what my "make a baby" options would be. Now that I have a path I am filled with excitement and nerves, but today it took its toll and I crashed. It's evening and I had to post my "Happy" photo. My mom did something I never expected today, so of course she was my photo. I chose a couple of photos from my hotel room at Planet Hollywood in Las Vegas. She had just painted my fingers nails and put my shoes on for me. We were having a final mother/daughter hug before leaving to go to the chapel downstairs and get me married. After sharing the photo I noticed the little angel on my black sash. You can see it on the right side of my back. It is a pin I borrowed from my mom to wear to represent family that couldn't be with us, especially my aunt who had left us just days after buying that dress. Well good grief, once I saw that little speck in this photo I was getting all choked up.

And now I'm rolling my eyes at myself. I've been all over the place and already feel like a whale. And I haven't even REALLY started the big stuff yet! Sheesh. Today I asked my BFF to be patient with me when the big fertility drugs start and this roller coaster of emotions happens .... perhaps I need to ask for the patience NOW!
IVF Officially Begins!
Consultation &
Blood work
Shopping to hide a bump

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