SWF Seeks.....

I recently told someone I've never written a personal ad. This is true. I'm not even sure what goes into a personal ad. I have friends that do/have done the whole dating site thing. I should ask them what goes into an ad. But I won't. Instead, I will just amuse myself and write one right here, right now.

If there is appropriate lingo, well, I don't know it. I only know the SWF thing, so I will start with that....


SWF seeks....

SINGLE Male.
Non-smoker preferred.
Clean teeth are a must.

Must love the outdoors and not find nature to be boring.
Having a hobby that requires getting off of a couch, and even out of the house, is a great thing.
Must know how to laugh!! Making me laugh is good, too!

Ideally taller than I am (5'6") and NOT skinnier than I am.
Candidate would ideally not have super blond hair. And he would not be named Kevin, as that is my dad's name.
Good hygiene and personal grooming is a must.

Steady job and own form of transportation is a must.
A qualified candidate should live on his own, or should have lived on his own at some point.
Graduating high school is non-negotiable, and ideally suitor would have at least been to some form of college, if not graduating at the top of his class from a prestigious institution like Oregon State University. Extra consideration given to College of Liberal Arts alumni. ;-)

Living relatively near me is a definite plus, if not a necessity.
Someone that is not 100% dependent on his mother to take care of everything.
Should be fully trainable to do simple things, like lower a toilet seat, change toilet paper roll when empty, etc....
I would like him to be someone that knows how to operate a camera and wouldn't always say "how do I do this? Where do I look? Which button do I push?" every time there was a photo op. Also it is recommended that he does not have a slow, painful count to three before clicking.

A would be suitor would not criticize my eating habits or instruct me to not get fat.
At least a bit of athleticism of nearly any form (aside from sumo wrestling) is nice.
A streak of spontaneity is not required, but doesn't hurt.

Open to visiting the Enchanted Forest would get would be suitor bonus points with me (and my friends!)
While religion isn't a deal breaker, a stead-fast atheist probably wouldn't be compatible with me.
Along those lines, someone that finds politics to be their number one passion, also would not be compatible with me, but thanks for your interest.
I would imagine being a little bit older than me is a plus. I have no need to be a babysitter or date anyone that acts like they need a babysitter or mommy around to take care of him.

Animal lover wanted.
Potential male would have to pass an in-depth screening process by my dog.
Wouldn't be intimated by my secret love affairs with Mark Harmon and Gerard Butler.
Wouldn't be opposed to actually doing fun things with me. This would include fun activities that don't require just going to a bar and/or getting drunk.
Open-mindedness is greatly appreciated.

Must be nice, or don't bother applying for my affections.



That's not asking too much, really? Nah, of course not!

I forgot one last night ..... extra bonus points if he's not afraid to karaoke, or at least put up with my amazing karaoke skills!