My last long run was the Lacamas Lake Half Marathon that kicked my ass a couple of times. For today's long run I decided I wanted some redemption. The part of the race I enjoyed the best was a 3.5 mile long trail right along the lake and a golf course. Seven miles is what I had on the calendar for my run, so this was perfect. Biker Boy and I went up to Washington, equipped with water, sunblock and Clif shots and set out for a lovely 7 .... or so we hoped.
BB was smart and made a goal (and I'm glad he did!) - 3.5 miles without any stops, but I was allowed to walk when needed. Sounded easy enough. That lasted two miles. I realized I was hungry, dizzy, hot and my legs were really feeling the speed work I did last week. So we paused and I had my Clif shot, then continued to the turn around point. At that time I freshened up my water, dumped a ton of it on myself and asked BB to give me a pep talk. I just knew the last half would be great. We were half way done, I had run this path twice now, I could do it!
Cue a mid-run Meniere's attack, mixed with another bad reaction to the sunshine from my Meniere's meds. It wasn't pretty, okay? Not all of it was bad. I took a moment to talk to a turtle that was probably going faster than I was - as it was just there frozen and eyeballing me. I went down to the lake to throw water on myself again. I found a bench. The rest is just plain ugly.
During this ugliness I had a realization about myself. I can't pass people. Sometimes I just don't want to feel rude. Most of the time, however, I am lacking in self-confidence. I worry that if I pass the fellow runner then I have to maintain my pace. What if I get tired? What if I have to walk and they pass me again? Then I look like an idiot that only thought she could pass someone. So what do I do? I hold back. I sacrifice my rhythm, my pace, my race finish times. During the last race I spent that entire 3.5 mile stretch refusing to pass a girl that I was clearly much faster than. I just didn't want to hurt feelings or look like a failure if I couldn't keep gaining a lead. Now that I've realized this I guess I have to figure out how to get over it. I've been feeling like failure after failure with running, so I guess it is all wearing on me so now I just save face instead of pushing and doing my best all the time.
And now I have to give a HUGE Thank You to Biker Boy. Seriously, if he wasn't there I might still be leaning on a tree somewhere by the lake. I was getting so dizzy that in those last 2 miles I kept grabbing to trees to make sure I wouldn't fall. I couldn't run when other people were coming toward me because I didn't trust my balance. There were tears. There was panic. It was just terrible. The last 2 tenths of a mile were painful. Biker Boy spent most of that last mile running behind me (which is never the case) and grabbing me to keep me steady when I'd drift. I have no idea how I managed to get in the seven, but I did ..in 1 hour and 27 minutes of Garmin time. This doesn't count the time spent crying on trees. Ugh.
 |
| Do you see that dirt? That is after 7 trail miles - through Nike shoes AND compression socks! |
So we made it back to his house .... and, well.... yeah. I'm still feeling very sick. We've hit a whole new point in this relationship when he had to run into the bathroom to check on me, only to discover the frightening noises he heard were sounds of me on my hands and knees throwing up during my post-run shower. Yeah, sorry about that, BB!
I think you and Lacamas need to take a break from seeing each other for a while. Good thing BB was there with you, I hope you're feeling better soon.
ReplyDeleteAs for the not passing people, you need to get meaner. :D If you need to pass someone, just do it. If it turns out they have to pass you back later on then that's the way it works. Just think to yourself... what would Pre do?
Seriously though, great job finishing the 7. You are not a running failure!! Don't be so hard on yourself... look at all the races you've been doing. You rock!
wow, that was really long... sorry. :P
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you felt so awful during and after your run. I hope you get better soon!!
ReplyDeleteAs for passing people, I often feel the same way. I hate passing someone then having to slow down and walk a bit only to have them pass me. it's a cat and mouse/tag kind of game. Sometimes though, it gives me the motivation to keep pushing myself. Especially if they get a bit of a ways in front of me, I push myself to close the gap and get back into that game of tag again.
Again, feel better and remember- you're fantastic!
Wow, what a run. But you finished!! Glad that BB was there for you.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean about passing people. I have similar debates with myself. And a lot of times I end up playing leap frog with whoever I pass as they pass me back. It happens. But it is still hard.
im glad a read the caption to your foot picture. i thought they were either badly bruised or you had poor circulation LOL. sorry about the meniere's attack, how long have you had this?
ReplyDeletei hear ya on the passing people. I personally love it, but I do fear them passing me back up. What i've found to 'cure' this attitude is I'll pass them going faster than normal, then if I have to walk I make it a point to look at my watch so it APPEARS that I'm doing intervals.... thus why i'm slowing down haha
ReplyDeleteI always worry about passing someone only to have to slow down right after that and they pass me almost immediately. My gauge of when to pass someone is when I've been running behind them long enough to get annoyed by their pace -- like if they just went a *smidge* faster it would be fine. Basically, I take some time to figure out if a little faster pace would be sustainable. If I'm annoyed that I'm going too slow, I pass the person.
ReplyDeleteAwwwww :( This story made me sad.
ReplyDeleteYou're too hard on yourself. Given the meds and attacks that you have, you're lucky to be a runner at all. Keep in mind all that you have done, all the races you have finished!
Don't worry about the passing thing - just do it! (Sorry, Nike reference - I know you're an Adidas girl!). Here's a story for you:
Yesterday at my race I had publicly announced plans to break 2:10 while the girl I was running with wanted to just take it easy and stay around the 2:15 or so mark. We stuck together, I pulled ahead, she caught up, I pulled ahead, she caught up again, passed me, got herself a PR (sub 2:10) and beat me by a few MINUTES. Am I humiliated? Do I feel bad? Nah.
Why? Because I finished. That's all that matters in the end - you ran the race and finished it. Who cares about the rest?
Especially because most times, all these people you pass, or that pass you, or you play a little cat and mouse game with - you'll probably never see them again, so it REALLY doesn't matter.
Keep your head up girl, you're awesome. I hope you can get your med situation straightened out, it sounds so scary.
BB is an awesome boyfriend. I just wanted to point that out, but I know you already know that!
ReplyDeleteWhen I pass people, it gives me motivation to keep at the pace I reached to pass them. Let passing people motivate you to go faster during your races. And if they pass you again, so what? Run your own race!