To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.
-Steve Prefontaine
Make it simple, but significant.
- Don Draper

Monday, September 28, 2015

Smiling Through Tears

July 27, 2015  Mixed emotions doesn't begin to describe my morning! I didn't sleep well, mostly due to nerves. I wasn't sure what my appointment would consist of. I had never been to an appointment all by myself since we started this process, so that was another concern. I knew I would be fine, but it also just felt strange. I let myself sleep in a little bit and took a longer than normal bath to help ease my nerves. But once I was trying to get ready I could tell my stomach wasn't happy. 

I left early to get to my appointment and was pleased to walk in and be the only patient checking in and waiting. I thought I had enough to drink to easily fill up the urine sample cup, I was wrong. Dang it. Maybe next time! In no time at all I was being called back to the exam room and having my blood pressure taken. When my doctor came in I was immediately calm and very happy to finally meet her. She was just lovely, just like her parents ..... her dad was my family doctor for most of my life until he retired. I miss him!

She reviewed my records from OHSU and we discussed the concern of the smaller twin, deciding to do an ultrasound and see what we could find out. I was so relieved to hear we would do that. I miss seeing what's happening inside of me. And although I have come to terms with if it is twins or if it is one, I still just needed to actually KNOW and not wonder anymore.  As soon as the ultrasound wand was in my eyes got huge. There was my baby.... and it has gotten huge!! I noticed right away that the sibling wasn't there. We found the gestational sac it had been in, but sadly I did lose my tiny one. She discussed with me the possible reasons why, and I understand that what is meant to be will be. *sigh*

So while feeling sad, yet still smiling on the outside, about losing my little runt, I was filled with so much happiness when we watched the remaining baby. It looks like a baby!!! None of that alien type stuff that you always see in movies and TV. That little cutie has a good head, a cute little bottom and two very busy arms and two very busy legs. They were wiggling all over the place, I couldn't help but giggle a little. And such a nice feeling to actually see that our baby is healthy, growing as it should, and perhaps working on some early fetus cardio? Do I have a dancer or runner on my hands maybe? I wish I had grabbed my phone for a photo to share, but the image will live in my memory for sure. It was the best sight I've seen so far! That cute little button nose, just adorable!

Before leaving we discussed other things, like testing that can be done, advanced maternal age, future appointments, etc.  I can say I left feeling pleased with my appointment and the care I received ... and that's pretty darn important considering what we are dealing with here!  On my way to the car I called my husband to tell him how it went. And that's when the tears came. Still I am so tickled at what I saw, but at the same time I am having to come to terms with the fact that my twin is now an only child.

At work I was getting settled in and starting my day when it happened.  Casually I had to drift away from a conversation and go puke my guts out in the bathroom. First time I've done it at work, but I knew it was going to happen today!! Ever since I've been feeling pretty puny, but I haven't minded. Seeing the baby wiggling all over was totally worth my every day all day sickness! Another new thing today was the placement of my skirt.  Today I had to hoist it up and over my tummy. Fortunately I had a loose shirt on so there's no way anybody could possibly notice.  Just 3 and a half weeks until this goes public .... we shall see if my little athlete will let me continue to conceal everything for 3 more weeks!!



JULY 2015
SundayMondayTuesdayWednesdayThursdayFridaySaturday
1234
6 week ultrasound
TWINS!!
ProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesterone
Estrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M E
567891011
7 week ultrasound8 weeks pregnant
ProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesterone
Estrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M E
12131415161718
1st throwing up!1St OBGYN visit9 weeks pregnant
ProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesterone
Estrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M E
19202122232425
**bleeding**10 weeks pregnant
ProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesterone
Estrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M E
262728293031
OBYGYN
ProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesteroneProgesterone
Estrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M EEstrace: M E

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thanks for reading my little blog, your comments rock my compression socks!! ºoº